The very fact that this question, “How to forgive a cheating husband”, is something you are mulling over in your mind is a good indication that you are going to be able to accomplish this difficult feat. Forgiveness is not so much something we do, but something we are. What I mean by that is forgiveness is more a mindset than an isolated incident here and there.
I believe that forgiveness is a moment by moment lifestyle, where we determine in our hearts and minds, each and every morning if need be, that we are going to experience life and daily issues through the eyes of forgiveness. This means that we have already pre-determined that when an issue or crisis comes up that involves forgiving, that we will offer the needed forgiveness regardless of the circumstances surrounding that situation.
I’m not taking about enabling, or just blindly turning away from the very “real” stuff in life that hurts and wounds and has the potential to destroy. What I am saying though, is that it is inevitable that these things are going to happen in our lives, at some point or another, and that we can be prepared for them with a mindset of forgiveness.
I believe if you develop this “moment by moment forgiveness” in your life you will begin to find that the things you once saw as a “crisis” or “monumental” won’t seem to be so daunting. And I mean everything from how to forgive that person who accidentally ran over your toe with a shopping cart to how to forgive a cheating husband. If you understand the core principle of forgiveness it doesn’t matter what circumstance you are applying it to.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying having your foot run over is the same as having your husband cheat on you! The repercussions and consequences, of each scenario, are worlds apart. What I am saying is that if you determine that you are going to forgive, regardless of the offence, than you have already won the battle. This is so important because what forgiveness does is free you from the effects of what was perpetrated on you. We don’t have the luxury of deciding how everyone will treat us. But we do have the ability to choose how the things people do will affect us. And here is the crux of the matter… forgiveness is a choice. On the flip side, holding a grudge, becoming bitter and resentful, and living in anger and hatred are also, just choices. Until you understand, and I mean the “Aha moment” kind of understanding, that you can choose to forgive as easy as you can choose not to, you will struggle with this issue and continue to go round and round but not get anywhere.
If you are at the crossroads of how to forgive a cheating husband, but cannot clarify or grasp that forgiveness, than think with me further…
You need to come up with a definition of forgiveness – what does it mean to you personally? It really is a vague term… whether it is because of different backgrounds or belief systems, forgiveness means a lot of different things for different people. What you need to do, though, is formulate an understanding of how you view forgiveness. Here are a few steps that may help:
Step #1: In Your Own Terms Define Forgiveness
Take a few minutes and think through forgiveness. What do you comprehend it to mean? Write out your thoughts and definitions on a piece of paper. This will help you to better clarify it in your mind. Now take it one step further and consider if you were to forgive your husband… what would that imply?
Step #2: If Your Husband Asked You To Forgive Him What Would It Mean To You?
Imagine with me for a moment… let’s say your husband comes to you this evening and asks for forgiveness. How would that make you feel? What would it mean to you on a deep, inner, personal level? How would it change you? How would you feel hearing those simple words “I’m so sorry. Would you please forgive me”?
Step #3: If Your Husband Didn’t Ask For Forgiveness What Would It Mean To You?
The other scenario is to think through what it would mean to you if your husband never asked you to forgive him. Would this defeat you and mire you into a state of hurt and pain that you could not find your way out of? What would this response mean for your marriage? Would it ultimately rob you of the power of your own feelings?
Thoughts To Ponder:
- Have you received an apology from your husband? Did he ask for forgiveness?
- If he hasn’t sought forgiveness or offered an apology, why do you think he hasn’t?
- Do you think forgiveness would relieve, and release, you from the hurt and pain you are feeling?
I truly wish you healing and wholeness in your marriage as you continue working through how to forgive a cheating husband…
By Brian D. Morgan
If you would like more information and help on working through how to forgive a cheating husband please feel free to visit my Marriage IS Worth Saving site where you will find valuable resources to help you get through your marital crisis successfully.