Being stuck in an affair means that you are unable or unwilling to give up the affair and the person you are involved with either because he provides something that your partner doesn’t or he has qualities that you love or he simply makes you feel wonderful. It is a sticky situation with the potential for an emotional blowout and you need to break free from it sooner than later or there will be a lot of hurt when your secret invariably comes out. But how do you break free from an affair? What do you need to do to break free from an affair?
1. Weigh the two men honestly and realistically. You must find a way to put the two men on a weighing balance and decide which one you want. If you are stumped then you may need to go back to the basics and make a list of the good and bad points of each man and include the emotions that accompany each man. The bottom line question that you must answer is; which of the two can you not live without? Which one ‘outweighs’ the other?
2. What is it that you really want? To break free from an affair you must determine the kind of relationship that you want. Will a continuing affair be enough for you? Do you want a relationship leading to commitment in the future or are you happy in a short term relationship that may not have a future? Search your heart and find out what it is that would make you happy and satisfied. Don’t let the distractions of what is happening fool you into a false security that you don’t have to decide because if you do not decide then circumstances may conspire against you and decide for you.
3. Check the availability of each man. Now that you know which one you want and what you want for yourself you need to determine which of the two men will meet your relationship needs. Which of them is available for the kind of relationship that you desire? What are you willing to give up in order to get the relationship that you want? If the one you cannot live without cannot give you the relationship that you want; are you willing to take whatever relationship crumbs he offers? If the one you rated second can give you the relationship that you want will you compromise so that you get the relationship you need without the man that is first on your list? This will be the hardest part of the process of breaking off an affair but you must do this so that it is clear to you what you will give up and what you will gain from breaking free from the affair.
4. Make a decision and live with it. Make the decision that you can live with. You may not get all that you want but it should be the best possible decision for you. Once you have decided you need to set about building the relationship with the chosen man… and no looking back! Do not look back with regret or longing or reminiscing as that will pull you back into the affair. You will miss the one that you gave up and sometimes you may think that you made a mistake but you should keep consulting your list to encourage yourself. Realize that relationships are about give and take and about loving the one that you have chosen.
To break free from an affair requires a head decision and then a daily walking in that decision. It will not be easy because if truth be told you really cared about the one that you let go but it’s only in rare circumstances that you are able to double-deal two men for any length of time before they find out and both get so injured that the decision on which one to stay with is taken out of your hands. Break free from the affair today before one or both of them find out. You know the saying ‘a thief has 40 days’ well it means that you can only get away with an offense for a limited time before you are caught. Don’t wait to get caught!
However if you want to salvage your relationship then I would recommend the 4 relationship saving ways to help you on your chosen path but if you just need help defining for yourself what it is that you really want and need then I would recommend this guide to your ideal mate and relationship.
By Rosy Anderson
Rosy Anderson is a researcher in social economic issues and the way they affect decision making; and she enjoys writing and being in healthy, happy relationships.