Gay and Lesbian

Having Sex With Adonis

September 18, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

Having sex with Adonis can be seen as the ULTIMATE in the dream world of sexual experiences, but is it true in reality as well?

In Greek mythology (the originally Phoenician god) Adonis is the young and extremely sexy lover of Venus. She fell in love with his perfectly shaped and young athletic body, but their love was short lived. Adonis’s perfect body was pierced by a wild boar while hunting. Venus heard his cries and came to her lover who unfortunately died in her arms. Just to let your gay-glands shiver a little bit more: Upon his death Venus sprinkled nectar over his blood and the combination produced the variety of Anemone flowers.

Adonis might be the perfect example of a god for homosexuals, because Venus was not the only woman who adored Adonis. On the island of Lesbos, no less, young girls developed a full religion around the death of Adonis. It might be the death of Adonis that drove them into each others arms. While the death of Adonis is related to the origins of lesbianism, it is the life and physique of Adonis that made men quiver for each other. Both mythology and literature shows hints of homosexuality around Adonis. In Shakespeare’s version of the story it isn’t clear whether it is the butch-ness of Venus or the feminine love between Adonis and his male friends that ultimately caused his death.

In psychology the Adonis complex is related to Anorexia and Bulimia. The Adonis Complex can be seen as the opposite of Anorexia. In Anorexia a person believes they are fat (have a false body image) even if there is nothing left between the skin and the bone. In the Adonis Complex the body image is exactly the opposite, a person believe he is skinny even though he has the perfect muscles and body tone. Where Anorexia is a typical female complex, the Adonis complex is more common amongst males. A guy would exercise his muscles even though he already looks like a young gorilla. He will have this abnormal self- body image of a skinny male while he is already built like a mountain. You could say that both Anorexia and the Adonis complex are the products of our society, which merits physical attractiveness far above intellect or personality.

Which brings me back to my original question: Having sex with Adonis might be the ideal sexual experience

in our dreams, but is it true in reality? Is it sexually fulfilling to have sex with Narcissus, the mythological figure who fell in love with his own reflection in water? Is it really such an experience to have sex with a man who can care less about you and worships his own body? Personally, I feel if you’re in love with your self, stick to masturbation.

Our over the top emphasis on physical beauty leaves us empty, shallow, depressed and alone. If the physical is all you care for, you might as well make love to Adonis, after his death. Nobody is denying the pleasurable addiction to eye chocolates. Your eye-chocolates might be the perfectly shaped male biceps, the next guy might be addicted to a 6-8 pack torso, my ultimate eye-chocolate is a perfectly shaped ass; it drives me wilder than a rhinoceros horn. Yet, who wants to end up with only an ass in your life? I’m not suggesting that we should pretend as if physical beauty is nothing; I’m not suggesting that we let ourselves go; I’m merely stating that a perfectly shaped ass will leave you with little more than a fart to talk to.

I must admit that I struggle to be turned on by the ugly duckling, fat Humpty Dumpty or ancient Molwa standing naked in front of me, but I will rather have a man with less muscles than brain cells compared to the village idiot with a sexy ass. And there we are today, closer to caricatured heterosexual love than ever in history. Homosexuals were the royal elite, the gifted artists and the intellectual creme De la creme in the society of yesteryear. And today? Today I get the impression that every second gay guy is going for the physique of Adonis, the personality of a worm and the intelligence of a rat. How dull have we become?

Andrew Blade is a founding member of Cobragay, an organization that offers free information, advice and support to people with gay issues. Http://www.facebook.com/cobragay

Filed Under: Gay and Lesbian, Gay Men Tagged With: Gay Dating, Homosexual relationships

Are you afraid to be a lesbian?

September 18, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

I met a young girl a while back who had come to me concerned because she felt that she was a lesbian. She wanted to date a girl but she only ever attracted boys. Her friends would tell her to just settle for what she could get because she was too girly to have a relationship with another girl. She wondered if she should date men and just abandon her search for her lesbian soul mate.

Absolutely not! She likes what and who she likes. It’s not her friends choice. She needs to stay the way she is and not change for anyone. I personally know a lot of lesbians that love girly girls. They love girls for a reason. Doesn’t matter how she dresses. If you think about it, males like girls that are pretty and girly. If a lesbian wanted a manly girl, she would just be with a man. Don’t get me wrong, there are lesbians that love the butch type but there are many that don’t. She should never abandon the search because there is someone out there for everyone. She is out there and I am sure she will find her.

If you are a lesbian or bisexual, never be afraid of your sexuality. There is no stopping who you are. Your true friends will accept who you are and love you for you. And if they don’t, then they don’t matter anyway. Being lesbian is nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, it makes life more interesting.

So where can you meet some lesbians? This is a tough one for anyone new to the lesbian/bisexual scene. The first place I can think of is the lesbian bar. In many cities and towns, a lesbian bar could be the only place to meet women. If your not much of a bar/club groupie, try going on a weeknight when it is a bit calmer of an atmosphere and more friendly.

Another good place to go is a gay and lesbian center. Most major cities have one and it can be an

excellent place to meet people. Many gay and lesbian centers have support groups, rap groups, book and movie groups and political action activities. Find one that feels right for you and you’re sure to meet other like-minded lesbians and bisexuals.

Every town has some kind of a recreational sports team, whether it is softball, volleyball or basketball. Almost every lesbian and bisexual I know loves sports. Some towns have whole leagues for gay and lesbian athletes, others have teams that are “known” to be the teams lesbians play on. You don’t have to be an athlete to get in on the action. Sports like softball and soccer often have many lesbians in the stands watching. It’s a great place for people to watch and start a conversation with a stranger.

If you’re looking for a lesbian partner with similar interests to your own, get involved in activities that interest you. Volunteer at the local animal shelter, join the local gardening club or bird watchers group. The lesbians who are there may be few, but you know you’ll have something in common with them.

A really good way to meet them is through friends and coworkers. Don’t be embarrassed, let them know that you want to meet other lesbians and bisexuals. Have them invite you over for dinner or a game night. Let them know you’re just looking to make friends. Once you meet one or two lesbians that you get along with, you may end up meeting their friends and be welcomed into a whole new circle of people.

Then there is the Internet. One of the best places to meet lesbians to date and also a great place to meet women for friendship. You can put an ad up that says you’re just looking to make friends and answer other women’s ads that say the same thing. Who knows, you may even hit if off with someone and take it further fairly quickly. Do be careful meeting people on the internet! Always meet in a very public place a few times until you get to know the person well.

I know for a fact that every major city has a neighborhood where gays and lesbians tend to live. There’s sure to be a coffeehouse where the lesbians will congregate.

The last place I can think of is the local gay paper. There may be personals ads, a calendar of events or announcements for dances, plays, art shows, concerts and other activities. Check out one that interests you. Invite a gay-friendly straight friend to come along if you’re too shy to go by yourself.

One more thing I want to add to this subject is recognizing when a lesbian is interested in you. All women flirt the same whether it is with a man or a woman. Lots of touching and giddiness, a lot of eye contact, completely engaged in conversation, it is really not hard to tell. They will make it pretty obvious that they like you. So don’t worry, have fun and be yourself!

This article was written by Brandy Bisbee.

Filed Under: Gay and Lesbian, Lesbian Tagged With: Gay Dating, Homosexual relationships

Dating Survival Tips for Gay Men

August 14, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

“I don’t think there’s enough passion between us”, “I don’t think we are a complete match”, “I’m not feeling a click”, “I don’t think there’s enough chemistry on my side”, “We’re not sexually compatible”, “I’m not ready for a relationship”, “It’s not you; it’s me”, “I’d like for us to remain friends”.

Oh…the perils of dating! We’ve all been on the giving or receiving end of these statements and it never feels good either way. Sometimes nothing is ever said, and the situation just fades away causing us even more confusion. Dating can be very difficult, especially in the online environments we often find ourselves.

So how do we take care of our personal well-being in dating situations?

Here are some dating survival tips to consider:

1). Date for dating’s sake – Get rid of the expectation of finding “the one” and just date. Meet people with the intention of getting to know them and learning about who they are. Avoid getting emotionally caught up too soon. Release the pressure and expectation that this might be “the one” for the long-term.

2). Actions don’t necessarily speak louder than words – We’ve all been told that “actions speak louder than words” but this isn’t always so. Be wary of interpreting someone’s actions as meaning that they are into you or that they actually want a relationship with you. Some guys may say sweet things, buy you flowers or gifts, treat you to dinner, introduce you to their friends and family or initiate sex as a part of their own dating rituals. These actions may hold no specific meaning to you whatsoever.

3). Have fun – Enjoy the process of dating. Put your best self forward and have fun. You cannot control another person’s thoughts, feelings or behaviors. You also can’t control the outcome of the experience. You can allow yourself to have fun! Be lighthearted about it all – stay in the moment, enjoy your dates and let go of your attachment to the outcome.

4). Stay focused on your life – Make time to plan activities apart from dating. Remember that dating is only one aspect of your life. Do other things that bring you pleasure and balance your dating life with other important life areas – having a rich full life makes you a very attractive person overall.

5). Learn how to handle rejection – It’s never easy to be let down but don’t personalize the rejection. Recognize that everyone has their own psychological issues and relationship histories that they bring into dating situations. If someone tells you they don’t want to go forward don’t make it about you. There can be any number of reasons that caused them to back out, and they probably have absolutely nothing to do with you. If you need to, you can talk about the experience with a friend, therapist or coach to help you to quickly move on.

6). Focus on your well-being – Take care of yourself every day by asking – What can I do to take care of myself today? Perhaps it’s exercising, meditating, or going out with friends or family. Do whatever is meaningful to you. Make a commitment to yourself to do something each day that makes you feel good.

Finally, always remember what my grandmother used to say:

“Men are like buses, there is always another one coming”!

Paul is a certified life coach and a licensed therapist. He is a highly sought after coach and consultant within the behavioral healthcare industry, and works with numerous organizations, including Fortune 500, healthcare companies, small businesses, and non-profit organizations.

Paul has always been passionate about personal growth and development, and he loves to explore the possibilities! He enjoys inspiring others to discover their true selves, reach for their goals and dreams and create the life they truly desire.

Paul created and developed Life Solutions for Gay Men as a complete resource to support gay men in their quest for personal development.

Additionally, he also has an extensive background in the performing arts and has studied and applied various techniques throughout the years including Meditation, Progressive Relaxation, Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and the Alexander Technique.

By Paul Novello

Filed Under: Gay and Lesbian, Gay Men Tagged With: Gay Dating

What Gay Men Should Expect From Relationships

August 14, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

Some gay men put up with a lot in their relationships. Their long-term partners will aggressively flirt with other men in front of them, go home with a guy from the bar without any forewarning, sleep with ex-lovers without gaining consent from their current lover, or brag to their current boyfriends about the quality of their sex with strangers.

Ouch.

Here’s what I find most concerning. Some gay men don’t feel they have a right to be upset about these behaviors. They’ll ask me why they feel so jealous and how can I help them let go of their jealousy. They think that the gay community believes in sexual freedom and it isn’t cool or manly to object to their partner’s sexual behavior.

In other words, they feel shame for experiencing hurt by the actions of their long-term partners.

Heterosexual couples get plenty of social support for treating their partners with respect when it comes to sex. Outrage is the typical social response when friends are told about poor relationship behavior among straight people. When gay men tell the same heartbreaking stories they are less likely to get a big response. Gay relationships are not given the same level of validity.

I’m not making an argument here for monogamy in gay men’s long-term relationships. Men can have open relationships and still treat each other with great care and consideration. Gay men have led the way on redefining what defines a caring open relationship. Check out my blog entry entitled “Gay Men and Open Relationships: What Works?” for more on that position.

The point I am making is that if you feel jealous about your partner’s sexual behaviors with other men, you need to validate those feelings. Those feelings are common and normal and deserve respect from both you and your partner.

There is plenty of research in psychology to back up the theory that an important reason we enter into relationships is to heal some of the old wounds we experienced in our earliest relationships with our parents, siblings, and peers. If your family had trouble providing you with emotional support as a child then one of the best ways you can heal from that loss is to experience deep emotional support from your adult partner. Most people are really hungry for this experience.

Couples that don’t acknowledge that their relationship needs plenty of care, conversation, and consensus will hurt each other. Rather than helping to heal old wounds, these relationships just keep reinjuring. Psychotherapists call this “attachment wounding.”

If your friends are telling you that you are putting up with too much from your boyfriend, it’s often a sign that you are in a “codependent” position in your relationship. Codependence can be defined as compulsively taking care of other people rather than taking care of ourselves.

Here’s the very least you should expect from your partner:

• Your partner should apologize when he discovers that he dropped you emotionally. Maybe not right away, but eventually.

• Your partner should not be harshly criticizing you, teasing you, or putting you down. If he does this occasionally he should be sincerely apologizing after each incident.

• Your partner should never hit you. Period.

• Being drunk is not an excuse for mean behavior.

• You deserve kindness from your partner. Not at every single moment, but on a regular weekly basis. This is really the whole point of being in a relationship.

If this topic resonated with you might want to check out the classic book on codependency: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.

If you are tolerating unkind behavior then I urge you seriously reevaluate your relationship. Seek out individual or couples counseling if you need help in making the changes to create supportive, healthy relationships.

Adam D. Blum, MFT is a San Francisco psychotherapist specializing in relationship and self-esteem issues for gay men. He writes a blog on these topics at http://gaytherapist-sanfrancisco.com/blog. Adam can be reached at 415-255-4266 or on his website at http://www.gaytherapist-sanfrancisco.com.

Filed Under: Gay and Lesbian, Gay Men Tagged With: Jealousy

When Women Love Married Women

August 14, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

A troubling situation that should not be judged too harshly, we are all capable of falling in holes with little room to escape. I will try to be gentle and look at all sides when exploring this subject, and also remembers that it is very different to affairs in heterosexual couples.

It is important not to judge. Our society is so eager to humiliate, cast out, and punish us for our choices rather that teach openness, honesty, and the value of good intentions. We may all be a little healthier if we practice these principles on ourselves and each other.

Women are built to form emotional bounds; it was an intricate part of our survival in prehistorical times. We connect emotionally to each other, due to women having more of the chemical known as oxytocine “the love hormone.” That is why affairs affect lesbians very differently to heterosexuals and why there needs to be a different view point taken when understanding affairs between two women. This is not to say that straight people aren’t affected by affairs in their marriage, the impact of betrayal on any person regardless of sexual orientation can be devastating and painful.

As much as we would like to look the other way, the two women need to acknowledge that there is an individual being thrown into the affair without knowing or giving consent. When we attempt to manipulate our environment to our advantage where others are unwilling participants the consequences are often “very” ugly to severe. I have heard men tell me “it’s one thing for my wife to screw another man but to shame me into screwing a woman that is a whole other story.”

There are many reasons why we choose to have affairs; there is the excitement and sense of adventure of having a secret and attempting to control our life. There are also women that need to connect and search for companionship that is lacking in their marriage. Romance and love is something written in story book and seen in cinema, and soon forgotten once in wedlock. The art of courtships has dissipated and the appetite for wild passion is a constant craving. Many couples may have stopped having sex and our living two separate lives in the same house. Other triggers of affairs are one-night stands, opportunity, attention that builds our self-esteem, revenge, escape from everyday life, and of course to end a marriage.

However, the most common type of affair in lesbian extramarital affairs is the “I did not know I was a Lesbian or Bi.” Many of us got married because that is what is expected. Most of us grew up begin told that we must meet a nice man that can take care of us. I am only thirty, but I know that crap was shoved in my face from various sources. Not once was I ever even given the opportunity to even contemplate my sexuality, excepted from my mother who was a bisexual hippie herself.

Many of us get married and realize that the life we “choose” is not ours to live; that the one we seek is still wanting for us. Now, does that mean we leave our husband, sadly no. The urge to fulfill other people’s expectations is a lot greater for some women that they will continue to live a life of secrets.

Many women won’t leave their husbands because of the social repercussions it may have on their lives, financial burdens, and of course because children may be involved. In the end that is a choice that the married woman makes.

What if you are the “other” woman, well you have two choices. First one, you can continue to the affair and wait to see if anything ever changes. Or you can leave. If you decide choice number two than here are some tips on how to break up the affair:

Think about what you’re going to say.
Meet somewhere public.
Tell her there will be ABSOLUTELY no contact. That is the only way to heal.
Say good-bye and walk away towards a future that is yours and not controlled by another person’s fears.

It will be hard and it will hurt, but it will pass. There may always be some residual pain, but unless you set yourself free from a secret life you will not have room to build a healthy relationship with a woman that is completely ours.

Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru

I am an Internationally Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor that has been trained in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender LGBT related issues. I write for the Examiner.com as their Lesbian Relationship Expert and am a featured writer on SexGenderBody.com. My intention is to start a movement towards a healthier and more supportive community! Where LGBTs can find each other, learn from one another, and build a stronger support system. I, myself, am on a personal quest in discovery for a healthier gay relationship and self-fulfillment.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Are just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru.

Filed Under: Gay and Lesbian, Lesbian Tagged With: Infatuation

Coming Out to Your Parents

August 14, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

Science, the church, and even the government have been trying to come up with an explanation on how gays become gays. But for most homosexuals, this state is inborn and they believe that they do not have to adjust anything about themselves since everything that they are has been set. People, specifically straight conservative ones, wonder why gays “multiply by the second”. It is their knowledge that gay people cannot in fact “give birth”, then why do gay communities grow so fast? And no one can seem to stop this growth. This is happening because more and more gays are now coming out of their closets. Depending on the personality, gay people either rush out of the closet or try to find the ‘perfect’ time first, considering the people around specially their parents.

There are several questions that gay people consider before coming out to their parents. Like “Will my mom and pop accept the “real” me?” “What would be their reaction?” “Would they disown me?” or “What changes would occur when I come out?” These are just a few of the queries that alarms their thoughts and all of which are difficult to find answers unless they actually do the ‘confession’. It might be a normal initial reaction for parents to either get surprised or shocked or even get angry when they hear the admission. Coming out to parents is just the start. And as time passes by, people would recognize how brave a gay person is by admitting their sexuality. These tips are in general and would definitely be a case to case basis. Equipping one’s self with the information that the parents would need to hear when coming out of the closet would also be very helpful. But until then, try these tips when you are ready to tell your parents what they really need to know about you.

Tip number 1: Know who you are really close to. Some would say that mothers are more open to this kind of situation. However, it would really be of great help if you open up to which parent you are closer, so as to have a more comfortable talk.

Tip number 2: Make the atmosphere light yet steady. Try not to over introduce your confession. Some become very nervous and they tend to talk way too much until it goes out of hand or it becomes awkward, go straight to the point. Maybe having some wine with the parent (or parents if you are equally close to both) would help ease the tension.

Tip number 3: Do not involve anyone else, like a sibling or a friend. Having someone else with you when coming out to parents will build up stiffness and it might make your parent or parents anticipate more and more until they become anxious. You do not need any other emotions lurking when speaking about your issue.

Tip number 4: Do give them some assurance that being gay is not becoming a different person. It’s just relaying your real emotions towards relationships and certain choices.

Tip number 5: If and when you are done with your speech and your parents’ reaction is on the negative side, do not try pushing too hard, let them take their time to absorb what you have just said. On the other hand, if their reaction is on a positive note, thanking them is not enough, let them know that you really appreciate that they understand you.

Author: Roger Stewart “Taste My Rainbow.”

Filed Under: Coming Out, Gay and Lesbian Tagged With: Homosexual relationships, Intimacy

Why Are Gay Men Attracted to Men in Uniform?

August 14, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

Most gay men get attracted to men in uniform. This state is actually one type of fetish, just the sight of certain male individuals wearing their work outfits may ignite another person’s sexuality. Try imagining guys wearing suits of firemen, lumber jacks, police men, sailors, football players, coast guards, wait staff or butlers, navies, armies, doctors, flight attendants, or prisoners. They stand out in a crowd full of civilians, they attract attention, and are usually head turners. These types of clothing add excitement, enthusiasm, and incitement to gay men. When homosexuals spot these men in work suits, they often get giddy and start plotting on how to chase them.

There are few things that could break down the reasons behind this matter. One basis is it just might have something to do with the idea that most men in some forms of uniform are well groomed. Those clean cuts, shiny boots, perfectly ironed coordinated outfit, smelling clean, and looking neat plus a great mysterious smile and deep dimples. Who would not want to be intimate with a flawless hygienic looking person? Another is that the attire gives a hint of authority, strength, and professionalism. These characteristics would build up the idea of security. Usually, if not most, gay men tend to be feminine and tender, thus making men in work clothes more attractive. It is about the very masculine-protector image and the thought of stability. Men in their uniforms can exude power, sexiness, and manliness.

When it comes to sex, uniforms are the usual costumes used to portray a certain activity. The work clothes display that a man can be a 100% gentleman, but can be very intimate when the uniform is stripped down. It creates anticipation, thus the lust becomes more evident and stronger. The whole black tactical or assault look makes gay men strongly desire the uniformed men to submit themselves or to be submitted to. The naughtiness in bed will increase as both or either of them will take orders from each other. This is one of the most common fantasy they have. It may become extremely dreamy for gay uniform chasers to have sex with a man in work dress. Add to that a well defined body structure but not too muscular, and that will definitely illuminate the desire.

This has become a total turn on to homosexuals and has been very interesting since the early times. The things mentioned above are just a few of the many reasons why. There is no direct or exact explanation as to how or when it all started. All in all, gay men are drawn to men in uniform as a result of a combination of their idealism and fantasies.

Author: Roger Stewart
“Taste My Rainbow.”

Filed Under: Gay and Lesbian, Gay Men Tagged With: Intimacy

Jealousy in Lesbian Relationships

August 14, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

When I was growing up my mother always told me, “Do not be jealous of others. Do not wish for what others have. Do not fight to possess and control someone, because in the end you will be alone as nothing belongings to us but is merely an experience.” She was a wise Buddhist that attempted to sooth a young adolescents’ tantrums of wants that weren’t fulfilled.

It is true today, that I rarely feel jealous or envy, which I account for my upbringing and the love I was given as a child. Therefore, in the spirit of my mom I would like to pass on a footnote of knowledge hopefully, lightening up the weight of those emotions that have a hunger for our soul: jealous, anger and envy.

I have often heard in therapy and in my own life people projecting this emotion as a trigger of someone else’s behavior, “She makes me Jealous. It’s her fault she makes me this way.” Basically, when it comes to jealous we very quickly pass the buck onto our partners as the creator of this unwelcome feeling. Unfortunately, they are often not to blame as no person is able to create feelings and emotions within us. Only I have the power to create and control what is within me.

Now I know, some of you are thinking “cut the crap with this Zen shit it’s definitely not me, it really is her.” Well, sure they are cases where partners work very hard to make you jealous, but I would bet money that they are very jealous people themselves and that you are both in heated water suffering from the same illness just different symptoms. The illness is one you probably know as Low Self-Esteem and Insecurity.

When we have negative beliefs about ourselves we are off balance, and feel very much powerless to the world. We will even try regaining this power by bargaining with our partners by saying things like: “If you wouldn’t… then I wouldn’t react this way.” However this has very little success in the real world often neither you achieve your goal because this is not a balance within yourself and simply a quick exchange of false power.

So, in order to eliminate jealous we must only look within ourselves and start the change there, addressing our beliefs that create the emotions. Your relationship will change once you eliminate jealous, and even anger and envy will subside.

Here is how to begin the process:

Build your inner power, so that you see that you have control over your emotions and don’t become a bulldozer that is reactive.

Look at the whole picture. What are you jealous of? What is the underlying emotion. Focus: is it perhaps fear, abandonment, unworthiness that your experiencing? Delay you reaction by understanding where it is coming from?

What are you inner core beliefs about yourself and the world? Identify you triggers? Example: I get jealous of my girlfriend, because I fear abandonment and that she may leave me for someone better.

Just because you feel and believe something does not make it a fact. Learn to separate and question yourself.

Be the creator of your inner world. You have the ability to create the images you project into your mind and the emotions you choose to experience.

Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru

Filed Under: Gay and Lesbian, Lesbian Tagged With: Jealousy

Gay Marriages Are Legal But They May Not Be Easy, And LGBT Relationship Counseling May Help

August 14, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

If you’ve been paying attention to the news, you already know that New York recently approved same-sex marriages for gay couples in the Empire State. Laws were passed and signed that allow gay people in New York to have all the same rights and responsibilities as straight people.

Meanwhile in California, the LGBTQ community are waiting for a decision from the U.S. Supreme Court. The decision was difficult for the state supreme court and is now being settled on a federal level, leaving the homosexual community in the Golden State in limbo for the time being. Hopefully soon Californians will enjoy the same level of freedoms and be able to pursue happy marriages with their partners.

But legalizing marriage is just part of it. Same sex marriage and relationships in the LGBT community are very similar to heterosexual marriage and relationships. As such they should be taken seriously by all those involved. Once we enter marriage, we enter into a contract, which has certain responsibilities.

In times past gays and homosexuals would live with a partner and not be required to bother with marital responsibilities. If one partner got angry or dissatisfied, then they could leave and be out of it with little issue. This is not so within marriage.

This is why it’s so important to look into what it takes to make good, lasting relationships. We should consider what it takes to make a relationship work like compromise. What is it like to be in a relationship where you may not always get your own way? Many times people in relationships feel that they are giving 90% and only getting 10%.

These are the issues that the gay community must be concerned with, knowing that relationships take work and are a lot of responsibility. Additionally, it can be even more challenging for the LGBT community because of the discrimination and the negative attitudes held by members of the public. These are things which straight people don’t have to worry about. There are also issues with trying to form a family and have children.

Another factor in the LGBTQ community is domestic violence. It does happen in the gay community. The core of all of this is the need and desire to be loved, and out of that there’s raw feelings and emotions, and sometimes it leads to domestic violence. Unfortunately, sometimes the victims stay in a bad relationship or bad situation because of an overwhelming need to be loved. They may try to work it though even though it may not be the best option.

That’s why it’s time for the gay community to get serious about how they treat their partners. It’s time to have a public discourse and establish what it means to have a caring and loving, long-lasting relationship. The LGBT community should consider what it means to be in a committed, monogamous relationship and how to make it work for both partners in a healthy way.

Here’s to a successful and happy relationship between you and your loving partner.

Visit the friendly Good Shepherd Church in Pasadena. The Good Shepherd Church offers support and assistance to the LGBT community. More than a gay friendly church in Los Angeles- it’s a church for everyone.

By Patrick Warren

Filed Under: Gay and Lesbian, Gay Men, Lesbian Tagged With: Christianity, Marriage counselling

Supporting Our Gay Youth

August 14, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

Walking down the hallway back to the Vice Principal’s office, again, for another detention I wonder will life ever be any different. Sitting staring at his lips wondering what he and his wife will do on the weekend (wanting to be anywhere else but here), he is delighted to give me another lecture on how thin I am and whether I will eat a candy bar with him. He fears that I have an eating disorder and is trying to trick me into getting fat.

Sitting in my office fifteen years later I feel relief those days are behind me. You could not pay me enough money to go back to high school or be a teenager. As far as Mr. Jones, well, he was right I had a sever eating disorder and I was not about to give in to anyone and eat that candy bar. After all it was the only thing I felt I had control over.

Most days I felt that I lived outside my body and was so very much alone, and it seemed that my father was the only person that could see through me. He would say, “You are different Alex and this world doesn’t like those that are unlike them. Try not to be so different because I don’t want you to suffer for it. I want you to have a good life.”

I would lay in bed crying most nights hating the body I was in and the thoughts that raced through my head. I could not figure out what was different about me, except that every piece of me felt alien. I guess that is what being a teenager is all about.

It was around that time I knew I like girls but was too immature and honestly too tired from malnutrition to care. However, it didn’t stop the fantasizing that went on in my head. I remember listen to my Boyz 2 Men album (I know, I am old as dirt!), imagining slow dancing with a woman and kissing her. It was that feeling that put me at ease, the only images that would relax me. I can’t believe that now at thirty I am actually living my fantasy that my dream came true and I have my very own perfect love waiting for me at home.

It was not an easy journey. Coming out has been a difficult struggle and continues to be today, especially living in a southern state in the US. In today’s society our LGBT youth have so much to overcome. Risks include gender conformity, lack of support, school dropout, family problems, victimization, homelessness, substance use, eating disorders, religious intolerance, negative sexual experiences, and suicide attempts (two to three times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual counterparts).

As recent news over the last couple of years has highlighted, LGBT youth are often bullied at school and unable to receive adequate education. They are shamed and targeted for abuse. They are more likely to skip school out of fear, threats and vandalism directed towards them. Twenty-eight percent of gay students will drop out of school. This is more than three times the national average for heterosexual students. Four out of five gay and lesbian students say they don’t know one supportive adult at school.

So here are some things to consider and help you became self-empowered?

Know that being Gay or Lesbian is not a pathological condition (i.e. it is not a mental disease or disability)
The origin of sexual orientation is not completely known.
Gay and Lesbian individuals lead fulfilling and satisfying lives.
They are many ways you can choose to live an LGBTQ life.
Unless you have seek counseling to “change” your sexual orientation, a therapist should never coerce you into doing so (it’s unethical and you should report them to the board of licensing.)

If you are a teen and living in a home where there is homophobia, here are some more steps you should take and ask yourself:

Is it safe to come out to your parents? SAFETY first, even as tempting as it may be if you think it may place you in danger hold off.
Will coming out jeopardize your home situation?
Are you safe physically, emotionally, and psychologically if you come out to your parents?
Do you have other available resources, such as money and emotional help if coming out changes your home situation?
Try and educate your parents on LGBT matters, often discrimination is triggered but ignorance and not understanding the unknown.
Get support and find people you can talk too that are safe. Being gay can be a lonely journey, but with the right company can make you stronger and wiser.

The ultimate goal of growing up and developing is finding humanity and breaking down the difference that separate us and isolate others to create a unity and a sense of oneness.

by Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru

Filed Under: Coming Out, Gay and Lesbian, Lesbian Tagged With: Homosexual relationships, Intimacy