Lesbian

Are you afraid to be a lesbian?

September 18, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

I met a young girl a while back who had come to me concerned because she felt that she was a lesbian. She wanted to date a girl but she only ever attracted boys. Her friends would tell her to just settle for what she could get because she was too girly to have a relationship with another girl. She wondered if she should date men and just abandon her search for her lesbian soul mate.

Absolutely not! She likes what and who she likes. It’s not her friends choice. She needs to stay the way she is and not change for anyone. I personally know a lot of lesbians that love girly girls. They love girls for a reason. Doesn’t matter how she dresses. If you think about it, males like girls that are pretty and girly. If a lesbian wanted a manly girl, she would just be with a man. Don’t get me wrong, there are lesbians that love the butch type but there are many that don’t. She should never abandon the search because there is someone out there for everyone. She is out there and I am sure she will find her.

If you are a lesbian or bisexual, never be afraid of your sexuality. There is no stopping who you are. Your true friends will accept who you are and love you for you. And if they don’t, then they don’t matter anyway. Being lesbian is nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, it makes life more interesting.

So where can you meet some lesbians? This is a tough one for anyone new to the lesbian/bisexual scene. The first place I can think of is the lesbian bar. In many cities and towns, a lesbian bar could be the only place to meet women. If your not much of a bar/club groupie, try going on a weeknight when it is a bit calmer of an atmosphere and more friendly.

Another good place to go is a gay and lesbian center. Most major cities have one and it can be an

excellent place to meet people. Many gay and lesbian centers have support groups, rap groups, book and movie groups and political action activities. Find one that feels right for you and you’re sure to meet other like-minded lesbians and bisexuals.

Every town has some kind of a recreational sports team, whether it is softball, volleyball or basketball. Almost every lesbian and bisexual I know loves sports. Some towns have whole leagues for gay and lesbian athletes, others have teams that are “known” to be the teams lesbians play on. You don’t have to be an athlete to get in on the action. Sports like softball and soccer often have many lesbians in the stands watching. It’s a great place for people to watch and start a conversation with a stranger.

If you’re looking for a lesbian partner with similar interests to your own, get involved in activities that interest you. Volunteer at the local animal shelter, join the local gardening club or bird watchers group. The lesbians who are there may be few, but you know you’ll have something in common with them.

A really good way to meet them is through friends and coworkers. Don’t be embarrassed, let them know that you want to meet other lesbians and bisexuals. Have them invite you over for dinner or a game night. Let them know you’re just looking to make friends. Once you meet one or two lesbians that you get along with, you may end up meeting their friends and be welcomed into a whole new circle of people.

Then there is the Internet. One of the best places to meet lesbians to date and also a great place to meet women for friendship. You can put an ad up that says you’re just looking to make friends and answer other women’s ads that say the same thing. Who knows, you may even hit if off with someone and take it further fairly quickly. Do be careful meeting people on the internet! Always meet in a very public place a few times until you get to know the person well.

I know for a fact that every major city has a neighborhood where gays and lesbians tend to live. There’s sure to be a coffeehouse where the lesbians will congregate.

The last place I can think of is the local gay paper. There may be personals ads, a calendar of events or announcements for dances, plays, art shows, concerts and other activities. Check out one that interests you. Invite a gay-friendly straight friend to come along if you’re too shy to go by yourself.

One more thing I want to add to this subject is recognizing when a lesbian is interested in you. All women flirt the same whether it is with a man or a woman. Lots of touching and giddiness, a lot of eye contact, completely engaged in conversation, it is really not hard to tell. They will make it pretty obvious that they like you. So don’t worry, have fun and be yourself!

This article was written by Brandy Bisbee.

Filed Under: Gay and Lesbian, Lesbian Tagged With: Gay Dating, Homosexual relationships

When Women Love Married Women

August 14, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

A troubling situation that should not be judged too harshly, we are all capable of falling in holes with little room to escape. I will try to be gentle and look at all sides when exploring this subject, and also remembers that it is very different to affairs in heterosexual couples.

It is important not to judge. Our society is so eager to humiliate, cast out, and punish us for our choices rather that teach openness, honesty, and the value of good intentions. We may all be a little healthier if we practice these principles on ourselves and each other.

Women are built to form emotional bounds; it was an intricate part of our survival in prehistorical times. We connect emotionally to each other, due to women having more of the chemical known as oxytocine “the love hormone.” That is why affairs affect lesbians very differently to heterosexuals and why there needs to be a different view point taken when understanding affairs between two women. This is not to say that straight people aren’t affected by affairs in their marriage, the impact of betrayal on any person regardless of sexual orientation can be devastating and painful.

As much as we would like to look the other way, the two women need to acknowledge that there is an individual being thrown into the affair without knowing or giving consent. When we attempt to manipulate our environment to our advantage where others are unwilling participants the consequences are often “very” ugly to severe. I have heard men tell me “it’s one thing for my wife to screw another man but to shame me into screwing a woman that is a whole other story.”

There are many reasons why we choose to have affairs; there is the excitement and sense of adventure of having a secret and attempting to control our life. There are also women that need to connect and search for companionship that is lacking in their marriage. Romance and love is something written in story book and seen in cinema, and soon forgotten once in wedlock. The art of courtships has dissipated and the appetite for wild passion is a constant craving. Many couples may have stopped having sex and our living two separate lives in the same house. Other triggers of affairs are one-night stands, opportunity, attention that builds our self-esteem, revenge, escape from everyday life, and of course to end a marriage.

However, the most common type of affair in lesbian extramarital affairs is the “I did not know I was a Lesbian or Bi.” Many of us got married because that is what is expected. Most of us grew up begin told that we must meet a nice man that can take care of us. I am only thirty, but I know that crap was shoved in my face from various sources. Not once was I ever even given the opportunity to even contemplate my sexuality, excepted from my mother who was a bisexual hippie herself.

Many of us get married and realize that the life we “choose” is not ours to live; that the one we seek is still wanting for us. Now, does that mean we leave our husband, sadly no. The urge to fulfill other people’s expectations is a lot greater for some women that they will continue to live a life of secrets.

Many women won’t leave their husbands because of the social repercussions it may have on their lives, financial burdens, and of course because children may be involved. In the end that is a choice that the married woman makes.

What if you are the “other” woman, well you have two choices. First one, you can continue to the affair and wait to see if anything ever changes. Or you can leave. If you decide choice number two than here are some tips on how to break up the affair:

Think about what you’re going to say.
Meet somewhere public.
Tell her there will be ABSOLUTELY no contact. That is the only way to heal.
Say good-bye and walk away towards a future that is yours and not controlled by another person’s fears.

It will be hard and it will hurt, but it will pass. There may always be some residual pain, but unless you set yourself free from a secret life you will not have room to build a healthy relationship with a woman that is completely ours.

Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru

I am an Internationally Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor that has been trained in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender LGBT related issues. I write for the Examiner.com as their Lesbian Relationship Expert and am a featured writer on SexGenderBody.com. My intention is to start a movement towards a healthier and more supportive community! Where LGBTs can find each other, learn from one another, and build a stronger support system. I, myself, am on a personal quest in discovery for a healthier gay relationship and self-fulfillment.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Are just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru.

Filed Under: Gay and Lesbian, Lesbian Tagged With: Infatuation

Jealousy in Lesbian Relationships

August 14, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

When I was growing up my mother always told me, “Do not be jealous of others. Do not wish for what others have. Do not fight to possess and control someone, because in the end you will be alone as nothing belongings to us but is merely an experience.” She was a wise Buddhist that attempted to sooth a young adolescents’ tantrums of wants that weren’t fulfilled.

It is true today, that I rarely feel jealous or envy, which I account for my upbringing and the love I was given as a child. Therefore, in the spirit of my mom I would like to pass on a footnote of knowledge hopefully, lightening up the weight of those emotions that have a hunger for our soul: jealous, anger and envy.

I have often heard in therapy and in my own life people projecting this emotion as a trigger of someone else’s behavior, “She makes me Jealous. It’s her fault she makes me this way.” Basically, when it comes to jealous we very quickly pass the buck onto our partners as the creator of this unwelcome feeling. Unfortunately, they are often not to blame as no person is able to create feelings and emotions within us. Only I have the power to create and control what is within me.

Now I know, some of you are thinking “cut the crap with this Zen shit it’s definitely not me, it really is her.” Well, sure they are cases where partners work very hard to make you jealous, but I would bet money that they are very jealous people themselves and that you are both in heated water suffering from the same illness just different symptoms. The illness is one you probably know as Low Self-Esteem and Insecurity.

When we have negative beliefs about ourselves we are off balance, and feel very much powerless to the world. We will even try regaining this power by bargaining with our partners by saying things like: “If you wouldn’t… then I wouldn’t react this way.” However this has very little success in the real world often neither you achieve your goal because this is not a balance within yourself and simply a quick exchange of false power.

So, in order to eliminate jealous we must only look within ourselves and start the change there, addressing our beliefs that create the emotions. Your relationship will change once you eliminate jealous, and even anger and envy will subside.

Here is how to begin the process:

Build your inner power, so that you see that you have control over your emotions and don’t become a bulldozer that is reactive.

Look at the whole picture. What are you jealous of? What is the underlying emotion. Focus: is it perhaps fear, abandonment, unworthiness that your experiencing? Delay you reaction by understanding where it is coming from?

What are you inner core beliefs about yourself and the world? Identify you triggers? Example: I get jealous of my girlfriend, because I fear abandonment and that she may leave me for someone better.

Just because you feel and believe something does not make it a fact. Learn to separate and question yourself.

Be the creator of your inner world. You have the ability to create the images you project into your mind and the emotions you choose to experience.

Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru

Filed Under: Gay and Lesbian, Lesbian Tagged With: Jealousy

Gay Marriages Are Legal But They May Not Be Easy, And LGBT Relationship Counseling May Help

August 14, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

If you’ve been paying attention to the news, you already know that New York recently approved same-sex marriages for gay couples in the Empire State. Laws were passed and signed that allow gay people in New York to have all the same rights and responsibilities as straight people.

Meanwhile in California, the LGBTQ community are waiting for a decision from the U.S. Supreme Court. The decision was difficult for the state supreme court and is now being settled on a federal level, leaving the homosexual community in the Golden State in limbo for the time being. Hopefully soon Californians will enjoy the same level of freedoms and be able to pursue happy marriages with their partners.

But legalizing marriage is just part of it. Same sex marriage and relationships in the LGBT community are very similar to heterosexual marriage and relationships. As such they should be taken seriously by all those involved. Once we enter marriage, we enter into a contract, which has certain responsibilities.

In times past gays and homosexuals would live with a partner and not be required to bother with marital responsibilities. If one partner got angry or dissatisfied, then they could leave and be out of it with little issue. This is not so within marriage.

This is why it’s so important to look into what it takes to make good, lasting relationships. We should consider what it takes to make a relationship work like compromise. What is it like to be in a relationship where you may not always get your own way? Many times people in relationships feel that they are giving 90% and only getting 10%.

These are the issues that the gay community must be concerned with, knowing that relationships take work and are a lot of responsibility. Additionally, it can be even more challenging for the LGBT community because of the discrimination and the negative attitudes held by members of the public. These are things which straight people don’t have to worry about. There are also issues with trying to form a family and have children.

Another factor in the LGBTQ community is domestic violence. It does happen in the gay community. The core of all of this is the need and desire to be loved, and out of that there’s raw feelings and emotions, and sometimes it leads to domestic violence. Unfortunately, sometimes the victims stay in a bad relationship or bad situation because of an overwhelming need to be loved. They may try to work it though even though it may not be the best option.

That’s why it’s time for the gay community to get serious about how they treat their partners. It’s time to have a public discourse and establish what it means to have a caring and loving, long-lasting relationship. The LGBT community should consider what it means to be in a committed, monogamous relationship and how to make it work for both partners in a healthy way.

Here’s to a successful and happy relationship between you and your loving partner.

Visit the friendly Good Shepherd Church in Pasadena. The Good Shepherd Church offers support and assistance to the LGBT community. More than a gay friendly church in Los Angeles- it’s a church for everyone.

By Patrick Warren

Filed Under: Gay and Lesbian, Gay Men, Lesbian Tagged With: Christianity, Marriage counselling

Supporting Our Gay Youth

August 14, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

Walking down the hallway back to the Vice Principal’s office, again, for another detention I wonder will life ever be any different. Sitting staring at his lips wondering what he and his wife will do on the weekend (wanting to be anywhere else but here), he is delighted to give me another lecture on how thin I am and whether I will eat a candy bar with him. He fears that I have an eating disorder and is trying to trick me into getting fat.

Sitting in my office fifteen years later I feel relief those days are behind me. You could not pay me enough money to go back to high school or be a teenager. As far as Mr. Jones, well, he was right I had a sever eating disorder and I was not about to give in to anyone and eat that candy bar. After all it was the only thing I felt I had control over.

Most days I felt that I lived outside my body and was so very much alone, and it seemed that my father was the only person that could see through me. He would say, “You are different Alex and this world doesn’t like those that are unlike them. Try not to be so different because I don’t want you to suffer for it. I want you to have a good life.”

I would lay in bed crying most nights hating the body I was in and the thoughts that raced through my head. I could not figure out what was different about me, except that every piece of me felt alien. I guess that is what being a teenager is all about.

It was around that time I knew I like girls but was too immature and honestly too tired from malnutrition to care. However, it didn’t stop the fantasizing that went on in my head. I remember listen to my Boyz 2 Men album (I know, I am old as dirt!), imagining slow dancing with a woman and kissing her. It was that feeling that put me at ease, the only images that would relax me. I can’t believe that now at thirty I am actually living my fantasy that my dream came true and I have my very own perfect love waiting for me at home.

It was not an easy journey. Coming out has been a difficult struggle and continues to be today, especially living in a southern state in the US. In today’s society our LGBT youth have so much to overcome. Risks include gender conformity, lack of support, school dropout, family problems, victimization, homelessness, substance use, eating disorders, religious intolerance, negative sexual experiences, and suicide attempts (two to three times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual counterparts).

As recent news over the last couple of years has highlighted, LGBT youth are often bullied at school and unable to receive adequate education. They are shamed and targeted for abuse. They are more likely to skip school out of fear, threats and vandalism directed towards them. Twenty-eight percent of gay students will drop out of school. This is more than three times the national average for heterosexual students. Four out of five gay and lesbian students say they don’t know one supportive adult at school.

So here are some things to consider and help you became self-empowered?

Know that being Gay or Lesbian is not a pathological condition (i.e. it is not a mental disease or disability)
The origin of sexual orientation is not completely known.
Gay and Lesbian individuals lead fulfilling and satisfying lives.
They are many ways you can choose to live an LGBTQ life.
Unless you have seek counseling to “change” your sexual orientation, a therapist should never coerce you into doing so (it’s unethical and you should report them to the board of licensing.)

If you are a teen and living in a home where there is homophobia, here are some more steps you should take and ask yourself:

Is it safe to come out to your parents? SAFETY first, even as tempting as it may be if you think it may place you in danger hold off.
Will coming out jeopardize your home situation?
Are you safe physically, emotionally, and psychologically if you come out to your parents?
Do you have other available resources, such as money and emotional help if coming out changes your home situation?
Try and educate your parents on LGBT matters, often discrimination is triggered but ignorance and not understanding the unknown.
Get support and find people you can talk too that are safe. Being gay can be a lonely journey, but with the right company can make you stronger and wiser.

The ultimate goal of growing up and developing is finding humanity and breaking down the difference that separate us and isolate others to create a unity and a sense of oneness.

by Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru

Filed Under: Coming Out, Gay and Lesbian, Lesbian Tagged With: Homosexual relationships, Intimacy

Tips for Making a Lesbian Relationship Work

August 14, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

Being in a lesbian relationship is not as complicated as it looks. Whether your have been “coming out” or still comfortable be in the closet, the basic principles are just the same with heterosexual relationship. It still involves two people with two different characters. If you think being a lesbian makes you special, then you’d better think again. Lesbian relationship is not just about holding hands and baking cakes together. Being a lesbian does not save you from being hurt, feeling sad, or affairs. Not to mention the pressure from the society or even the gay and lesbian community itself.

Just like any relationships, the lesbian relationship is full of ups and downs. This article provides you with information on how to make your lesbian relationship works. If you are a lesbian and in relationship, this article could be your consideration material.

First, you have to understand that being a lesbian is not easy, in some countries lesbianism and other homosexual relationships are banned. Even in the democratic countries, lesbian couples are still struggling to claim their rights. If you and your partner live in a country that does not allow you both to show affection in public, then don’t push it. If you do, and your lover reject your hand, you would feel offended; that cause trouble for your relationship.

Sometimes when the relationship is still fresh lesbians forget that the world does inhibited by other people; they are not the only living persons on this earth. But the condition gradually decreased. After a couple of months and when they have felt secure and comfortable with each other, lesbian couples are losing the sparks. They are more like best friends now and that is harmful to relationship because it can lead into feeling bored with each other. And for lesbians, feeling bored is very dangerous, because there are so many attractive girls out there which are so tempting to overcome the boring situation. Do not treat your lover as your best friend. They are whole world different. No matter how you do it, just keep the spark alive.

Some lesbians are limiting themselves from the outside community. That is not right. You can not make people think that lesbians are exclusive, because you are not. Don’t pull yourselves out. Meet the people; heterosexuals or bisexuals, not just fellow gay and lesbians; because being in the same environment for a long time eliminates the sparks between lovers. Go outside and enjoy live as lesbians.

The last important thing about making your relationship work is to let your partner be herself and do not ever change her. Give her some space for her personal life too. Even though there are so many beautiful women and attractive men out there, it won’t matter; because she has committed herself to you.

Filed Under: Advice for Women, Gay and Lesbian, Lesbian, Relationships Tagged With: Homosexual relationships