A gay man told me once, “I feel the whole world is watching every move I make. It is like being in a glass bowl and it is not a comfortable feeling.”

Such sentiment is not uncommon among gays and lesbians. Our society is predominantly heterosexual. Homosexuals are a minority, except in very few sections of few cities like Chicago and San Francisco. According to a recent research by Family Institute, only 2-3% of men and 2% of women are homosexual.

Hence the feeling of being in a glass bowl, being watched. Worse, the feeling that the society is discriminating against gays and lesbians and that they are not truly protected. So how do you cope if you are one of them?

Here are a few commonsense tips.

1. Be careful following the society leaders who profess to be for gays and lesbians. Many of these leaders want to put your homosexuality on display to achieve their own selfish means of getting financial support for themselves or getting recognition. It does one no good at all to be on display all the time. So use your cause very sparingly but effectively. There is a time and a place for demonstrating your sexuality. It is when there is a forum, such as a seminar, a convention, or a political rally specially facilitating your issues. You will get a lot more acceptance and sympathy if you are not perceived to be “in their face”.

2. Recognize a simple truth. Being “gay” or “lesbian” involves a small portion of your life. At least it should not take over your life. It is simply that you are attracted sexually and as a spouse or life partner to a person of your own gender; nothing more. Most of the gay and lesbian movement masks its real meaning– that while as other minorities, you want to make sure you are not discriminated against; homosexuality mostly impacts only your sexual life. All of the other time, you are like anyone else. If you feel differently, you may have other issues and check to see if there is something wrong with you.

3. The society is much more accepting of gay and lesbian lifestyles than your “leaders” would have you believe. Where you begin to lose the community’s support (vs. the politician’s), which is happening now, is where you flaunt your sexual preference without regard to company, circumstance and decorum. E.g. I have met gays who will openly talk about their sexual preference in the presence of children. A person who does that is really pathetic and has a huge sense of insecurity, and being gay has nothing to do with it.

4. Stop finding “discrimination” in every act. If you did not get that promotion or the important project, don’t jump to the conclusion that your sexual orientation played a part in it. It may simply be that someone else was more qualified or exhibited skills relevant to the project. Gays and lesbian leaders will often goad you into believing that just because you are experienced, you should get every juicy promotion. They are wrong. In the harsh business world, there are other attributes that count—leadership, communication, follow-through, performance etc.

5. Do not fight “mainstream” even if you may have had unpleasant experience. I think you will find lot of acceptability if you come across as a congenial person and not someone who has a chip on his shoulder.

By Shyam A Sunder