February 22, 2012

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Encourage Your Partner to Spend More Time with You.

October 8, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Do you constantly feel that your man is only spending time with you because you make him. Does it seem that he would rather spend time with anyone but you? If the answer is yes, then it is time that you did something positive to change the situation. Here are some ideas for you to think about:

Try to be happy with who you are. If you are constantly dissatisfied with who you are and what you have, then it is no wonder that he would rather go out with his friends or stay at work. Be happy and positive about yourself and you will be a more attractive and confident person to be around.

Make sure that you have your own life: It is not healthy for two people to spend all their time together to the exclusion of all others, no matter how much in love they may be. It is vital that you have some independent activities and interests. If he feels that you are just sitting around


miserably waiting for him to take you out, then that is not a very attractive thought to come home to. Having your own interests will give you something to talk about and bring to the relationship and will help keep things interesting and fresh. 

Encourage his other interests: Let him see that you are happy for him to have other interests. Show an interest in what he is doing and encourage him to talk about his hobby or sport. If he feels that he has your blessing for what he enjoys doing in his spare time, then he is more likely not to feel so pressurised into spending time with you.

Let the time together be about both of you. When you do go out or spend time with each other don’t just do things that you want to do. Take turns in chosing where to go or what movie you want to watch if you stay in. Let him talk about himself, don’t just make the conversation about you.

Dont spend your time together criticising him. If, when you do spend time with him you do nothing but criticise him, then he will avoid putting himself in that situation and will find even more excuses for not being with you, nobody wants to be criticised constantly. Make him feel good about himself and be positive about how you are both going to find a solution to your relationship problems.   

Finally let him know why you want to spend time with him. Remind him of how much you care for him and why you chose to spend your life with him in the first place. 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Advice for Women, Reconnecting, Relationships Tagged With: ,

Key to a successful relationship is good communication.

September 29, 2011 By Leave a Comment

The key to a successful reilationship is good communication. From romantic relationships to professional relationships to parent-child relationships, it is important individuals learn to and are able to effectively communicate with each other.

Why is communication important? Good communication can and will increase the satisfaction of your life just as bad communication can and will reduce it. How so?

Well, we all have something to say and we all wish to relate our needs, desires, thoughts, and emotions to our romantic partners, co-workers, children, friends, and loved ones. Sharing our thoughts allows us to express our feelings, it relieves stress, and it is important for building a bond and strengthening the relationship. More importantly, if you communicate well you’re more likely to be well-liked and respected.

Communication is always important, but particularly important during time of conflicts and stress. It will prevent (or minimize) misunderstandings which can lead to unnecessary arguments. These are the times when our personal feelings and biases come into play and what we say is often reflected in our feelings, insecurities, and limiting beliefs. If you practice good communication skills, however, it will help you resolve conflicts at a faster rate.

Tips to Enhance Your Communication and Your Relationships

Listen: Listen to what you are being told. A person’s words are a good give away of what they want from you. Try not to add your own interpretation of their words. Repeat what they say in different words and see if your partner agrees with you.

Attention: When someone is trying to communicate with you, place your full attention on that person. Sometimes it’s tempting to split your attention between your partner and the television/ work/ other activity. It can even be tempting to just tune your partner out. This is hurtful and can cause your partner to feel insignificant to you.

Body language: A picture tells 1000 words. So does your body language. What is your body


language saying? Through your body language you can convey annoyance, boredom, love, disinterest, etc. It is best when body language matches what you are trying to say.

Be direct & concise: Often times we speak in code (especially women) and just want our loved one to guess what we want. Sometimes we say one thing hoping s/he will know we mean another thing. Of course this leads to confusion, fights, frustration, and disappointment. Be honest and direct (get to the point) when communicating.

Think ahead: Most of us (if not all of us) can recall saying something only to regret it as its coming out of our mouths. Words can be wounding. When communicating with your partner stay in the present moment and think about how your words will affect your partner and impact your relationship. Remember, once you say it you can’t take it back.

Need to be right: While it’s great to be right, we are seldom right all the time. Many times your discussion has nothing to do with who is right and everything to do with understanding where each of you is coming from. If there is a right or wrong, it’s important both parties accept responsibility for their own mistakes. Do not make your argument about whose mistake is bigger, or different, or stupider, or worse. Concentrate on solving the issue at hand and not on who is more right.

 

 

Filed Under: Advice for Men, Advice for Women, Relationships Tagged With: , ,

Are More Middle Aged Women Deciding To Stay Single?

September 18, 2011 By Leave a Comment

I remember the days when any unattached middle aged woman would be the object of pity and confusion for her friends. Some married couples may even be uncomfortable around a woman over age 50 who had chosen to stay single. It did not seem natural.

However, these days, more and more women over 50 are deciding to hang on to their single lives, at least for the time being. Many of these women are still attractive, successful, and friendly. They just do not want to commit to marriage right now.

How can we account for middle aged women who choose to stay single?

Freedom And Independence

A lot of these women have been married in the past. Some who did not marry, had long term relationships. Now that they find themselves unattached, they realize that they enjoy their new freedom and sense of independence. They are not willing to make the compromises that marriage requires.

These ladies may be enjoying the single life, and they feel like their cup is half full, and not half empty!

It is not that they are all selfish. In fact, many of these women have a lot of responsibility to children or other family members. They just find themselves comfortable with making their own decisions, without having to negotiate.

Other Responsibilities

The subject of children and other family members, like aging parents, brings up another reason that some older women stay single. They may just feel like these other obligations are priorities right now. They do not believe it would be prudent to bring another “family member” on board right now. They have decided that a mate would make things even more complicated.

These women may desire marriage at some point in the future, but are just not willing to commit to a long term relationship right now. They know that marriage takes work, and they already feel burdened with responsibility.

No Soul Mate

This may be the only sad reason that women over 50 decide to stay single. Some of these older woman have


become fairly set in their ways, and they have given up on finding a soul mate. Some may have been involved in a failed marriage or long term relationship. They may just need time to heal and find themselves. They may have given up o the idea of marriage entirely.

If this describes you, take care to still involve yourself socially. You can find lots of great things to get involved in. There are lots of classes, groups, or charities that could use your time and spirit. While you are involved in these activities, you could make friends. You may even meet a very special friend!

Everybody Does Not Have To Be Married

I do believe that some people are much happier when they are single. I think this is fine. I would just urge single people to avoid isolating themselves. You can still find plenty of social opportunities that do not require a lifetime mate.

By Marilyn Katz

Stop by the Over 50 Magazine and Website for more articles about the baby boomer lifestyle today! Also learn why a lot of women over 50 are deciding to stay single.

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Advice for Women, Dating, Over 40`s, Relationships Tagged With: ,

How To Deal With Jealousy in a Relationship

September 18, 2011 By Leave a Comment

To know how to deal with jealousy in a relationship, you must identify the root cause. Is the jealousy caused by the behavior of your current partner? Is it a result of being burned in your past relationship? Or is it just plain insecurity within you?

How To Deal with Jealousy in a Relationship because of your partner’s behavior

Is your partner the flirty type? Or has your partner broken your trust? Either way if he or she has given you a reason to be jealous and suspicious, jealousy due to this cannot be resolved by you alone. You need to constantly communicate with your partner this feeling and that he or she knows that if you are both to save the relationship, the offending or faltering partner needs to know that he or she has to work doubly hard to earn your trust again, creating, setting agreements to rebuild trust. This does not happen overnight and is a working progress.

The offending partner more than ever needs to know that you need constant reassurance and to win back your trust through transparency and openness. At this point be aware that because of a broken trust, you will tend to have a controlling behavior which might kill the relationship. Being aware of this will help you from being controlling.

Dealing with jealousy due to being burned in a past relationship is however a different matter. You should not come in a new relationship carrying jealousy issues over a past love, and learn to give your new partner a clean slate without casting on him/her a fault of someone else. Nevertheless, it helps to communicate this to your partner so that he/she understands you and can help you heal as you help yourself also get over this fear.


How to get over jealousy due to own insecurity

This stems from lack of self-confidence, and as such, you need to address your esteem issues. Strive to be the best of yourself in every aspect, taking care of yourself physically, cultivating your strengths whether it be at school, work, sports or hobbies. Socialize with friends so as not to put too much focus on your partner – one should never totally build one’s life entirely around your partner alone. You both need independent interests to have a healthy relationship too. And this will keep you from nitpicking on every move your partner makes.

Jealousy is a serious issue and should be dealt with early on, and certainly knowing the root cause always helps one to deal with jealousy in a relationship.

By Hazel Christine Herber

Is jealousy killing you inside and tearing your relationship apart? Find out more on how to stop this and more at author’s website: http://guidance-and-advice.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Advice for Men, Advice for Women, Relationships Tagged With:

How to ruin your relationship.

September 12, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Relationships are delicate things that have to be constantly tended if they are to survive. However if you are in a relationship especially a long-term one it can often be difficult to see how your own behaviour is potentially ruining it. So here are some common habits that are all too easy to form:

Doubting him.

If as a matter of course you disbelieve everything he says or does this is a disaster for any relationship. When he goes out with his friends do you check his phone, his pockets or social media sites the next day?  Trust is vital on both sides in a relationship if you don’t have this,what is the point in going on. 

Lying to him.

The most important thing in a relationship is trust and it is honesty which leads to it. You should be able to tell your partner everything, even if he may be initially upset. But if you find yourself lying about even the smallest thing then trust is going to fly out of the window quickly.

Constantly trying to change him.

He is the same guy you fell in love with so if you didn’t like the way he looked or sounded ,then why did


you start the relationship. Think how you would feel if he constantly criticised how you looked or what you said.

Public displays.

Never ever shout or argue in public save it for when you get home. Who wants everyone knowing their private business.

Criticising his family.

Most people are defensive about their family and even if they say bad things about their relations themselves they will never be happy if others do the same. So if you constantly put his relatives down you are not going to be too popular.

Disagreeing with him for the sake of it.

No-one can be right all the time so try to listen to his views and learn to value them. It is okay to disagree sometimes and this is healthy but not all the time as this will just lead to arguments and bad feelings.

Frequently comparing him with your ex.

He is not your ex and so why ruin your current relationship by dwelling on the past.

Getting angry for no real reason.

Even if you have a temper you should and must learn to control it in your relationship. Flaring up at the slightest thing will surely drive the most patient person away.

If all of this sounds familiar, then you really do need to consider whether you really want to be in this relationship or have you outgrown it. If you still truly want to be with this person then you will need to try to start behaving in a way that you would like to be treated yourself.

Filed Under: Advice for Women, Relationships Tagged With: ,

What are the Ingredients of a Successful Relationship?

August 16, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Before you can start to answer this you will need to ask yourself what you consider to be a successful relationship. You need to think about what you are looking for from another person and what you are willing or able to give them in return. This will help you recognise early on if you have or indeed want a future with the person you are dating. 

Once you are committed to each other in a relationship, it is important to recognise what initially brought you together. That is, both physically and emotionally?  What do you like best about his or her personality? This will ensure that you do not take each other for granted, which can often happen after two people have been together for a long time. Taking each other for granted does not necessarily mean that love is fading, it often arises out of a sense of comfort that is felt within the relationship, but it does mean that there is a lack of effort. People tend to get lazy after a while when they feel comfortable and safe, which can lead to one or more of a couple feeling less valued. So it is important to always try to take time out of your busy schedule during the week to make your partner feel special.

No two people have exactly the same beliefs and ideas about things, so never expect a person to always see things your way. However, it is important for a successful relationship for both parties to have similar expectations from the relationship, if you wish to avoid frequent arguments. For example, is it important to both of you to see each other everyday, if you are not living together, or have sex frequently? Seeing each other daily may seem normal and right to some people, but others may feel smothered and need space to have me-time. The expectation of how often you should have sex differs greatly between people and if each others expectations are not recognised is often the number one cause of relationships ending.

Patience is one of the main keys to a healthy relationship. There are times when our partner will not respond in a way in which we like, but this does not mean we should take it personally. Always wait, take a deep breath and think of reasons why your partner may be acting a certain way. Getting annoyed and jumping to conclusions is always an unhealthy step to take because it shows your partner that they are not entitled to act freely and they may feel attacked, it also shows that you automatically assume the worst of them. Give your partner some time and let them know that you will be there for them when they are ready to talk. No matter what the situation may be, patience is key in a successful relationship, unless your partner never wants to discuss matters with you, which may mean that you need counseling or you should consider leaving the relationship.

Honesty is also at the top of everyone’s list when it comes to what people want from a successful relationship. We all need to know that we can trust our partner, even when we feel that we can’t trust others around us. Once this trust is broken it is hard to repair completely. We all make mistakes and have errors of judgement occasionally. However doing things again and again that we know are hurtful to our partner is not excusable as just human frailty, but is a sign of having no respect or caring for that person. This is not healthy for the relationship and if it continues  the couple should consider why this is happening and whether they have a future.

Filed Under: Advice for Men, Advice for Women, Relationships Tagged With:

How Do I Find Love In This Busy World?

August 14, 2011 By Leave a Comment

As a relationship coach one of the questions I hear most often is ‘how do I find love?’.

The success of the on-line dating industry shows that everyone wants to find a wife, or find a husband, or find a life partner. So many people are searching for love which is very sad as it means they believe that something is missing from their lives and don’t realise that they have all they need within them to be happy, right now.

When a client asks me ‘how do I find love?’ I ask them:

a What are they actually looking for ie. what is love to them?
b Why do they want to find love ie. what do they think will change in their lives if they find love?

These questions are crucial, as if you don’t know what love is, you’ll miss it when it comes your way. It might even be in your life right now, but you don’t recognise it as it’s not in the form that you expect.

For example many of my clients are brainwashed by the fairytales they grew up with and the media and believe that love is a feeling that will sweep them off their feet when they meet the ‘right’ person. This is not true. Yes, there are some people who you will be physically attracted to and this will cause chemical reactions in your body. This is not love though, this is chemistry. It may develop into love when you get to know the person, or the physical attraction may wane and you will be left with nothing.

I believe that love is a choice. You choose to love a person for any number of reasons including:

a They are kind and caring;
b They are positive and full of life;
c They are attractive;
d They have a great sense of humour;
e They want the same things from life as you;
f They come from a suitable family and your parents want the marriage.

The fact that love is a choice is demonstrated by the success of arranged marriages throughout the world. In cultures where marriages are arranged the divorce rate is under 10%, as compared to a divorce rate of over 30% in the western world, where marriages are not arranged. Why is this? Well it’s not because relationships are perfect when marriages are arranged. It’s because people approach arranged marriages with a mindset that the relationship will not be perfect but they are going to build a life together despite this. The parties look for the good and focus on this, rather than the bad. The result is a long-lasting union. The universal laws are at work, as by focusing on the positive the couple in the arranged marriage vibrate positive energy and attract positive experiences. Conversely, in the western world couples tend to focus on what is wrong with their partner and what they do not like about their relationship with the result being that they attract more of what they are focusing on.

My advice for finding love is to have a positive mindset and choose to love. Look around and notice someone worthy of your love and then love them without expectation. You will be amazed at what happens.

Tonette Watson is a certified NLP Practitioner with much experience in Business and Life Success strategies.

She is the Founder of Sow For Success http://www.sowforsuccess.com and How Do I Find Love http://howdoifindlove.net.

She offers on-line, telephone and group mentoring and coaching sessions which will change your mindset and empower your life.

She is a skilled relationship mentor and can teach you how to attract the relationship that you are seeking by looking within yourself to determine what you are looking for.

She provides practical advice on what to do and where to look for a person who will bring love into your life.

Filed Under: Advice for Men, Advice for Women, Relationships Tagged With:

Tips for Making a Lesbian Relationship Work

August 14, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Being in a lesbian relationship is not as complicated as it looks. Whether your have been “coming out” or still comfortable be in the closet, the basic principles are just the same with heterosexual relationship. It still involves two people with two different characters. If you think being a lesbian makes you special, then you’d better think again. Lesbian relationship is not just about holding hands and baking cakes together. Being a lesbian does not save you from being hurt, feeling sad, or affairs. Not to mention the pressure from the society or even the gay and lesbian community itself.

Just like any relationships, the lesbian relationship is full of ups and downs. This article provides you with information on how to make your lesbian relationship works. If you are a lesbian and in relationship, this article could be your consideration material.

First, you have to understand that being a lesbian is not easy, in some countries lesbianism and other homosexual relationships are banned. Even in the democratic countries, lesbian couples are still struggling to claim their rights. If you and your partner live in a country that does not allow you both to show affection in public, then don’t push it. If you do, and your lover reject your hand, you would feel offended; that cause trouble for your relationship.

Sometimes when the relationship is still fresh lesbians forget that the world does inhibited by other people; they are not the only living persons on this earth. But the condition gradually decreased. After a couple of months and when they have felt secure and comfortable with each other, lesbian couples are losing the sparks. They are more like best friends now and that is harmful to relationship because it can lead into feeling bored with each other. And for lesbians, feeling bored is very dangerous, because there are so many attractive girls out there which are so tempting to overcome the boring situation. Do not treat your lover as your best friend. They are whole world different. No matter how you do it, just keep the spark alive.

Some lesbians are limiting themselves from the outside community. That is not right. You can not make people think that lesbians are exclusive, because you are not. Don’t pull yourselves out. Meet the people; heterosexuals or bisexuals, not just fellow gay and lesbians; because being in the same environment for a long time eliminates the sparks between lovers. Go outside and enjoy live as lesbians.

The last important thing about making your relationship work is to let your partner be herself and do not ever change her. Give her some space for her personal life too. Even though there are so many beautiful women and attractive men out there, it won’t matter; because she has committed herself to you.

Filed Under: Advice for Women, Gay and Lesbian, Lesbian, Relationships Tagged With:

4 Essential Qualities To Being Irresistible That Men Go Wild For!

August 9, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Is it not an incredible feeling to know when our man is head over heels in love with us? How they make us feel wanted, needed, and adored?

Well, not all men reach this phase of the relationship as quickly as we’d like them too. Being affectionate and attentive to a man is second nature for a woman, but it’ll take a little coaxing on your behalf before you see these traits in your man.

There are a number of ways to pique his interest in you, however – 4 of them stand out strong among the rest.

Read on if you feel stuck in a ‘friends with benefits’ type of relationship, a relationship you are uncertain about, or if you merely want to say and do what’s needed in order to make him crave your attention just as much as you do his!

- Take The Initiative -

Men love the chase of capturing a new women, and most will go to any length to the rise to any occasion. If you are unsure as to where your relationship is headed then fall in love with the concept of control.

This doesn’t mean to get all high-end bossy on him, it simply means that you ought to put some spark back into the relationship; like the way it used to fizzle back in the beginning.

You can do this by making a date with him or surprising him with something you know he’d love. You could offer a compliment, but make it one that has real meaning and exclusivity to him. Such as, if he polishes his car a lot or shines his shoes every evening, take notice and respect his efforts.

Inflate his ego ever so slightly, make him feel desired – worthy of being a man and worthy of being your man, and he will surely appreciate you that much more in his life!

- Go Outside of Your Comfort Zone -

You don’t need to stray too far from it, but show him that you are interested in more than just him. Show him that you have a life, purpose, goals, dreams, et cetera.

Even better, if you are uncomfortable with your sexy side than by all means work on vamping it up! That could potentially be the only fixer-upper you need to spark his interest again!

Take over in the bedroom if your usually not accustomed to doing so, surprise him as he wakes up, introduce a new outfit, toy, or even a new environment!

Don’t think for a moment that it is unnatural or inappropriate, for as long as it remains between the two of you, the sky is the limit!

- Place Yourself Inside HIS Comfort Zone -

Now, you need not be all up in his face 24/7 – in fact, you want to give him his personal space and do things yourself outside of the relationship. However, if you show him just how much you love him while you are with him, he will miss you that much more when you are not.

* Give him a sensual hug that lasts a second or two longer than usual as you squeeze yourself against him, better yet – do it naked!

* Say his name during intercourse to bring you both into a steamy, intimate moment together.

* Reach your hand into his pockets to reach for something and touch him ‘accidentally’ and intimately as you do so.

Never underestimate the power of an unexpected touch!

By stimulating his nerve endings and sending those little shivers across his body, he will subconsciously find himself craving and thinking about you when you are not around, making the moments you do spend with him attentive, and adored.

- Be Irresistible -

What better way to go about this then to make yourself think, act, feel, and be amazing!

Do what makes you happy in life and act on those positive feelings. A great way to keep things interesting and entertaining is to change your look from time to time.

Wear a higher heel if your used to flats, throw on a skirt if you always opt for jeans, mix up your hairstyle with some highlights or lowlights, and get creative with your look – your style!

Novelty is key to keeping men interested as most tend to bore easily. Add some novelty to your appearance, and ultimately, to your relationship in order to keep his desire strong.

By maintaining your looks you are also stoking his competition. When other men see you strutting around town looking fine, he will feel like a lucky dog that you have your arm in his and no one else’s.

Filed Under: Advice for Women, Relationships

How Can I Find Love – And Get My Bills Paid at the Same Time?

August 6, 2011 By Leave a Comment

“I want to find the love of my life and I want a man who can provide the lifestyle that I desire to have. What’s wrong with that? Can’t I kill two birds with one stone?”

As I work with clients who are looking for their ideal relationship, this question shows up over and over again. It takes different forms. Here is another variation: “I am looking for a soulmate, but he has to be a US citizen because I need a green card.”

So, is it possible to find someone who you have a deep connection with and who satisfies your material demands at the same time? Yes, it’s possible. The problem arises when you consciously set it for yourself as a goal.

Finding your soulmate, a partner who you have a deep intimate connection with, someone who loves you for who you are and supports you in your joys and your sorrows is a very different goal from the goal of achieving financial well-being.

There is nothing wrong with the desire to be financially secure or have your dream lifestyle. By all means, you should set it as a separate intention and work on it. But you cannot mix the two together because they are energetically very different.

In order to attract love you need to live in a space of giving and receiving love unconditionally. If money (or a green card) is on the back of your mind when you approach your potential soulmate, it will show.

If he doesn’t satisfy your financial requirements

Then it will show as a wall between you and him: “I love you dearly, but I have other goals in my life that you can’t meet.” And you walk away from love. Will you ever get a second chance? Probably not, because love is not what you truly desire at that point.

If he does have what you want from a material perspective

Then your hidden agenda will show as an unspoken truth that both of you will always be aware of: “I have something she wants, that’s why she is with me.” This truth immediately takes the “unconditional” out of love and the depth out of your relationship. Your relationship becomes… (how should I put it?)… shallow.

Is there a case when material side becomes a factor in a love relationship?

Yes there is. This happens when one of the partners becomes a financial burden to the other and refuses to take a step to help the situation. I am not talking about a housewife who is taking care of 3 children. I am talking about a boyfriend who you support financially and who is taking advantage of you. This situation is quite extreme and certainly is unhealthy.

Remember, soulmate love presumes emotional and financial independence of both partners.

So, what do you really want: love or money? You can and should have both, but they are obtained through different sources. Make sure you don’t confuse them with one another.

For a complete step-by-step guide to attracting your ideal life partner download free e-book “4 Steps to Soulmate Attraction” at http://www.MyTimeToBeLoved.com

Lubov Skurina is a transformative relationship coach; founder of My Time to Be Loved, creator of Soulmate Attraction System™. She specializes in helping single women around the globe attract their ideal life partner by transforming their core beliefs and reclaiming their authentic ability to give and receive love.

Filed Under: Advice for Women, Relationships Tagged With: