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Main Reasons why Couples Divorce

October 2, 2011 By Leave a Comment

The proportion of marriages that end in divorce is on the increase. It is sad that couples go for the divorce option when they find things lacking in their marriage, but what are the main reasons for divorce? Here are some explanations for you to consider.

Having an addiction

One of the main reasons for divorce is an addiction, either to alcohol, substances, or gambling. These addictions make it likely that a marriage will end up in divorce. If you always knew your partner had an addiction but married them nonetheless, then you must be prepared for some significant consequences. Do not hold the belief that your partner will change once you get married, as this is very rarely the case.

Being unfaithful

A partner being unfaithful is one of the main reasons for divorce. This is most common of male partners, although there are also women who are easily tempted into infidelity. Unfaithfulness is common in marriages. If a partner has an affair, it becomes very difficult to trust them again. Even if the affair ceases, if the trust is gone, then the marriage will likely be over.

Being abused

There are lots of reasons for divorce but abuse of a sexual or emotional nature is very difficult to get past. Counseling and rehabilitation would be needed for a long period of time. A marriage in which abuse has been a factor will very often end in divorce.

No commitment

If people get married while one or both of the partners is not ready for that level of commitment, then


the marriage may fail. There a number of explanations why people enter marriage before they are ready for it. This can be because of a pregnancy that was a surprise, or the partners may be in love but have not thought properly about their future life together.

Immaturity

If one of the partners in a marriage is still immature, this may mean the marriage ends in divorce. You cannot control a person’s lack of maturity. If someone is immature still, then they will be unable to properly process and understand issues.

These are the main five reasons for divorce. We can only prevent marriage ending in divorce if we learn how to compromise. You don’t have to rush into marriage. Hold off for the correct time so everything will go well. If you are already in a marriage, be adult enough to meet your responsibilities as a marriage partner and perhaps also as a parent. You can’t be selfish in a marriage.

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Breaking Up, Relationships Tagged With:

Get your ex-girlfriend back without losing your dignity.

September 29, 2011 By Leave a Comment

You are really in pain as you have  just recently broken up with your girlfriend. The only thing you can think of is “how do I get my ex-girlfriend back?” Read on to find out the answer.

The very first thing that you need to do is figure out the cause of the breakup. Did you constantly fight and constantly have issues? Or… did your eyes start to wander to other women? If it’s the second option then you need to stop acting childish because this process is extremely difficult, if this was the reason for the breakup. If you can’t commit to a relationship you really shouldn’t be in one as it’s extremely unfair to your girlfriend.

The next thing that you need to do is man up and admit to all of the mistakes that you made in the relationship. Spend a couple of days and figure out exactly what you did that contributed to the breakup. I know this is extremely hard, but check your ego at the door and determine all the mistakes that were made. That becomes your list of things that you need to change. It may sound bad, but you will grow as a person and your ex is going to appreciate it greatly.

Now it’s time to demonstrate to your ex that it’s a good idea for her to take you back. This can be a


little bit tricky because you need to demonstrate why she should take you back; however, you don’t want to come off as needy or desperate. That means no begging or pleading to take you back. Instead, start out with little messages like “Hey, what’s up?” and slowly progressing towards getting a coffee date.

Don’t expect this process to happen overnight, it may take several weeks at least so don’t rush it. If you start rushing things than you’re more likely to chase your ex away than get her back. These simple steps are proven methods to getting your ex back. Leave all the games and your ego at the door and become the guy she started dating in the first place. By not calling her and seeming like you’re needy and desperate you come off as extremely confident, which women love. In addition, when you do talk to her you seem very confident and not acting childish will make her want you even more.

You will also find some good advice here:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Breaking Up, Relationships Tagged With: ,

Signs that a relationship maybe near the end.

September 27, 2011 By Leave a Comment

It can sometimes be hard to come to terms with the fact that a relationship has run its course. Especially if one or both members of the partnership are unwilling to acknowledge the fact. Sometimes there may be signs a relationship is over but the people in the relationship may still be unsure. Because of this uncertainty people often stay in relationships simply hoping the situation will get better with time. Sometimes people stay in relationships knowing the relationship is dead out of fear of the unknown. The fact of the matter is more often than not if the spark is gone and you are becoming increasingly irritated by the other person’s habit’s and general existence then the relationship is over.

Here are some telltale signs to indicate the end of a relationship.

1. You constantly find ways to avoid each other, 

2. The slightest conversation takes extreme effort and often ends up an argument.

3. Your sex life is virtually non existent or being intimate takes extreme effort.

4. Things you use to think were cute or sweet begin to annoy you.

5. You can’t even remember what it was you saw in the other person to start with

If you agree to any of these examples then your relationship requires some work.

Even when a relationship is on the rocks it is still a good idea to talk to your partner so that you can


both voice your opinions. You may discover that the problems aren’t as dire as you initially thought and you may be able to make amends. And if you can’t make amends at least try to part on decent and agreeable terms. A bad break up takes a lot longer to recover from and can be the underlying source of problems in a new relationship.

If you do decide to try to talk to your partner don’t do it at home. Go out, have something to eat and try talking over dinner, go for a walk or just somewhere you are less likely to get into a confrontational situation.

Things to try discussing are:

1. Is there any way the issues can be rectified?
2. Is there a particular reason for the distance that has developed between you both?
3. Could counselling help?

If you do decide to give the relationship another go it has to be a fresh start. There can be no bringing of old issues into the new beginning. Forgive yourself and your partner for allowing the relationship to get to that point and agree to take things slowly. Bring back the spontaneity by going on dates, trying new hobbies and interests together. Relationships are hard work and require dedication in order for them to work but sometimes there is no amount of work that will fix the damage that has been done. If this is the case then talking is still advisable no matter how difficult it may be. Regardless of what has happened there was a reason for your initial attraction and genuine love for each other. Try to hold onto that during the break up period and reassure yourself that just because this relationship doesn’t work there is no reason to believe the next one won’t.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Breaking Up, Problems, Relationships Tagged With:

Some mistakes women make with men.

September 13, 2011 By Leave a Comment

You have been out on a few dates and you feel you have made a real connection, when out of the blue he finishes with you and leaves you wondering what on earth it was you said or did wrong. It maybe that you did nothing wrong he just got scared of getting too close. Alternatively you might consider whether you made one of the following mistakes that guys are known to dislike most in women.

Were you over keen and came across as a bit desperate to find a long-term relationship? Did you try too hard to please him and always made yourself available whenever he called, appearing as if you had no life apart from him? Men like a bit of a challenge and will quickly get bored or take a women for granted if they make it too easy for them.

Did you always expect him to take the initiative and organise everything, meekly going along with whatever he suggested? Men actually like women to take charge from time to time, it shows them that you are confident which they find attractive. However the other side of this coin is being too controlling and organising everything without even consulting him. It is a question of striking the right balance between the two in a relationship.

Did you get too intimate too quickly? This is a tricky one to judge, as a rule it is best not to have sex on the first date if you want to have a relationship, however there are plenty of examples of couples who did and are still together happily years later.  If you were happy to get intimate with him when you did, that is up to you and if he finished with you because you ‘made it too easy’ then he probably wasn’t looking for a real relationship anyway and you are better off without him.


Did you always expect him to pay for everything? This is a real mistake especially if you have a well paid job. If you don’t want to be treated like purchased goods make sure you pay your way.

Did you tell him your whole life story too soon? Many women give away too much about themselves too easily. We all find a bit of mystery in a person attractive, so let him find out about  you over time. However try to avoid lying or pretending to be someone you are not, this is a real turn off for a guy, be comfortable with who you really are and people will love you for yourself.

If any of these apply then learn from your mistakes, be yourself and most of all don’t try too hard next time.

 

 More Dating Information for Women

 

 

 

Filed Under: Breaking Up, Dating Tips for Women Tagged With: , ,

Be positive about being single again.

September 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Breaking up is always difficult even if you were the one doing the breaking up and you know it was the right decision in the long run. However it can be especially difficult if you were with your ex for a long time as the thought of being single again can be quite  daunting.  But you should try and start seeing the positive aspects of this time in your life and move on. You will however need to let go of your old relationship and learn to enjoy your new, free single life. 

First you will have to accept that your relationship is over and that, yes the right person for you is out there somewhere, but you are not going to meet them immidiately. In the mean time you are going to be content and enjoy your new single status. There are a lot of single people out there having a great life, so join them. 

Start by thinking of all the things you have always wanted to do or achieve. Write a list and start doing some of them now. Take up a new hobby, how about studying something in your spare time. All these things that you couldn’t do as your ex wasn’t interested and put you off. Start getting fitter and healthier. All these things as well as making you happier will also improve your confidence and self esteem. Engaging in new activities is also a great way of meeting new friends.


Phone old friends, all the ones you neglected because of that great long term relationship you had. Don’t just burden them with all your emotional baggage, but go out and have fun and do some of those new things with them. It is amazing how we let important friendships go when we find a new partner. 

Being single is actually not that bad as you now have total control over your own life and schedule. You can do whatever you like when you like and you no longer have to be accountable to anyone. Go out on dates and don’t be afraid to see more than one person at a time, just be honest with those you meet. There are a lot of people out there who don’t want a relationship at this point in their lives, just be sure that you are both happy and clear about what you want from the dates. So enjoy your single life and only when you are absolutely certain that you are ready, consider another full time relationship. Who knows you may have so much fun you might decide, like a lot of people that the single life is best.

Filed Under: Breaking Up, Self Understanding Tagged With: ,

How to start moving on after your break up.

September 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment

If you have just finished a relationship especially if it was a long-term one, then moving on is one of the hardest things to do. We have all experienced it, there  is a real tendency to want to keep replaying the same thoughts over and over again. These ‘ if only’ and ‘what might have been’ thoughts even start to give you comfort which is not a good thing. Of course you should reflect on what did go wrong in the finished relationship so that you don’t make the same mistakes again or try to change something that doesn’t need changing. But if you do this too soon when your feelings are still raw then your emotions will cloud your judgement too much.

 The best way to get over a breakup and move on is to try to find things to take your mind off your ex and the breakup. Try to avoid places and things that remind you of your ex if possible, of course this may not be practical if you are still living in a home you shared together. But try to do new things, take up new hobbies or interests, ones that you didn’t share with your ex.

When you move on, you are facing up to the fact that your relationship is over, which is not easy as you may have put a lot into the relationship that has ended and were counting on it providing lasting happiness. But things will get better with time and you will find someone out there who is a better match for you than your ex was.

Start dating again

This is really important although it will be the last thing you will feel like. You do not need to look


for a serious relationship from the offset. But dating can just be a good way of getting out and meeting new people and putting some distance between where you are now and your finished relationship. It will seem strange at first but try to avoid putting your ex on a pedestal and telling yourself that no body will ever be as good as they were. Go out with a number of people and don’t rush into anything, avoid seeking solace from the first sympathetic person who comes along . Take time to find the right person but enjoy yourself along the way. You will soon find yourself thinking less and less about your breakup as you fill your life with new friends and experiences.

Filed Under: Breaking Up, Relationships Tagged With: ,

Share the pain of breaking up with someone.

September 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment

When you have just broken up with someone it can be hard to just get on with your life and the emotions involved can seem to take over. You know what you should do as you have given plenty of good advice to others in the past about breaking up, but somehow it doesn’t seem so easy when it is yourself. Even people who have been through a few breakups still find the aftermath of the breakup hard to survive. 

The most important thing for you to remember is that you will get through it and you must do so with your self-esteem as intact as possible. It is a scary time but it is also a new beginning, which is rarely a totally bad thing.

It is important not to bottle up your feelings. Talk to your friends and family members about your feelings. This is a time when it is important to get support from those you trust. You will probably have offered some of them support in the past so don’t feel bad about asking. It is a rare person who has not been through a similar situation to your own at sometime. So they will be able to offer you a friendly ear and listen to your pain. Even if you are not ready for good advice, it is helpful to talk to someone about how you are feeling. Trusting in someone like this can often really bring you closer together as friends , especially if you have shared experiences, so that could certainly be a positive thing to come out of what feels like a total train wreck. 

Never be tempted to speak to your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend about how you feel. This will only complicate matters by making you feel that there is still hope for the relationship, or feel guilt for the other’s pain. Which may in turn lead to the relationship being started again when you know that this is not the right thing in the long run. Even if you viewed your ex as your best friend, which will also be making the loss at the moment seem even greater, they are not the person to turn to now. An important part of getting through this is learning to live without your ex and being open to meeting someone new, which is essential if you are to move forward with your life. If you are lucky you may be able to share a friendship again in the future with your ex, but not for a while yet.

Filed Under: Breaking Up, Relationships Tagged With: ,

Ending a relationship with dignity.

September 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Ending a relationship is never easy especially if you have been together a long time and you still care for the person, but feel the relationship does not have a long-term future. Most people don’t like hurting others and as a result it can often be as difficult for the person doing the breaking up as for the person being broken up with.

You should however never allow guilt to keep you with someone who you know is not right for you. This will only stop you finding the relationship that you deserve. Staying with someone because you feel guilty will not help the other person either as ultimately you will grow to resent them and this will lead to greater pain in the long run.

You should be honest about how you feel, don’t just start to ignore your partner and hope that they will just get the message and go away. Often such behaviour leads them to try harder and want you even more, which is the opposite of what you are trying to achieve. Sadly there is truth in the saying ‘treat them mean keep them keen’. 

The old lines ‘It’s not you it’s me’ and ‘you are a great person and I don’t deserve you’ will really not help and are not honest. How many people really split up because they feel that someone is too good for them? This will only lead to the other person trying to convince you that you do deserve them and dragging the inevitable end out.

So be honest but respectful and make sure you leave the other person with their dignity. Remember this was someone who you once loved or thought you could love. Always finish a relationship face to face, a text or email is never acceptable. If someone sees your face as you tell them and also your body language they are more likely to believe what they are hearing and not think that they have a chance to convince you to change your mind. You should try to prepare them for the break up by indicating that you feel you need to have a serious conversation about your relationship, this will hopefully soften the blow.  

When you end the relationship be firm but do not judge or blame the person if you can avoid it and don’t back down just because they get upset. You should try to withdraw yourself from the person for several months or until you know that they are over you. If you attempt to offer them comfort you will also be misleading them into believing that there is still hope.

If you are concerned about their welfare after the break up talk to a mutual friend and get them to offer comfort. This is a difficult time for everyone concerned but ultimately if you feel that someone is not right for you, you must follow your heart for everyone’s sake.

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Experts Study Breaking Up: Does a Breakup Cause Physical Pain?

August 6, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Researchers at the National Academy of Sciences have found that break ups are not only hard on one’s emotional well-being, but also have the potential to cause physical pain.

For most people, losing a romance is a traumatic emotional event. Ubiquitous feelings of anger, sadness, depression, regret and resentment are commonplace for those who suffer through breaking off a relationship. But now, after conducting MRIs on people who were recent victims of break up, scientists have found that the experience of rejection during this type of emotional trauma can actually trigger the same brain mechanisms that trigger physical pain.

The painful effects of breaking up are so intense that even other negative emotions like anxiety and fear do not have the same painful impact on the brain’s sensory response process. The study shows that emotional pain and physical pain can overlap in terms of brain function, depending upon the circumstances. In this case, lost love was the primary trigger.

Interestingly, in another study at the University of Amsterdam, it was discovered that social rejection can literally cause a person’s heart to stop. After being hooked up to heart monitoring equipment, people were exposed to being socially rejected or accepted by total strangers. The findings were astounding. There was a significant cardiac response to being unexpectedly rejected by other people.

I think the conclusions of these two studies about human relationships simply reinforce what each one of us already knows. Being rejected hurts. You certainly can feel a physical response to being rejected or dumped and it is very unpleasant to say the least.

It stands to reason then, that prolonged emotional and physical pain arising out of breaking up or


socially cast away are not healthy for your mind or your body. That is why it is important to be able to overcome a broken relationship or rejection quickly.

One way to overcome rejection quickly is to continually develop positive self-esteem along with a healthy social network of friends and family. By maintaining these healthy social contacts and keeping a positive view of yourself, the effects of breaking up or being rejected by someone will have less negative impact. This is because you have much more going on in your life besides one or two close relationships.

One interesting suggestion is that if you feel physical pain as a result of a social rejection, take an aspirin. It was unknown as to whether or not taking an aspirin will make you feel better after a break up, but at least you won’t get a headache.

 

By Carlos Augustine

If you would like more information about how to overcome a break up, take a look at After A Break Up at Get Back Together 101.

 

Filed Under: Breaking Up, Relationships Tagged With: ,