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Signs that a relationship maybe near the end.

September 27, 2011 By Leave a Comment

It can sometimes be hard to come to terms with the fact that a relationship has run its course. Especially if one or both members of the partnership are unwilling to acknowledge the fact. Sometimes there may be signs a relationship is over but the people in the relationship may still be unsure. Because of this uncertainty people often stay in relationships simply hoping the situation will get better with time. Sometimes people stay in relationships knowing the relationship is dead out of fear of the unknown. The fact of the matter is more often than not if the spark is gone and you are becoming increasingly irritated by the other person’s habit’s and general existence then the relationship is over.

Here are some telltale signs to indicate the end of a relationship.

1. You constantly find ways to avoid each other, 

2. The slightest conversation takes extreme effort and often ends up an argument.

3. Your sex life is virtually non existent or being intimate takes extreme effort.

4. Things you use to think were cute or sweet begin to annoy you.

5. You can’t even remember what it was you saw in the other person to start with

If you agree to any of these examples then your relationship requires some work.

Even when a relationship is on the rocks it is still a good idea to talk to your partner so that you can


both voice your opinions. You may discover that the problems aren’t as dire as you initially thought and you may be able to make amends. And if you can’t make amends at least try to part on decent and agreeable terms. A bad break up takes a lot longer to recover from and can be the underlying source of problems in a new relationship.

If you do decide to try to talk to your partner don’t do it at home. Go out, have something to eat and try talking over dinner, go for a walk or just somewhere you are less likely to get into a confrontational situation.

Things to try discussing are:

1. Is there any way the issues can be rectified?
2. Is there a particular reason for the distance that has developed between you both?
3. Could counselling help?

If you do decide to give the relationship another go it has to be a fresh start. There can be no bringing of old issues into the new beginning. Forgive yourself and your partner for allowing the relationship to get to that point and agree to take things slowly. Bring back the spontaneity by going on dates, trying new hobbies and interests together. Relationships are hard work and require dedication in order for them to work but sometimes there is no amount of work that will fix the damage that has been done. If this is the case then talking is still advisable no matter how difficult it may be. Regardless of what has happened there was a reason for your initial attraction and genuine love for each other. Try to hold onto that during the break up period and reassure yourself that just because this relationship doesn’t work there is no reason to believe the next one won’t.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Breaking Up, Problems, Relationships Tagged With:

Are You Failing to Save Your Marriage? Look Out for Four Early Warning Signs

August 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Let’s face it, marriage is not easy, even when things are going well with both your lives. When you add the trauma of an affair, picking up the pieces and moving on can seem impossible. When you are wading through a sea of mixed and angry emotions, it is a bit like living on a knife edge.

If this is the case with your marriage, it is important to be on the look out for the early warning signs that you are not pulling in the right direction.

Early warning sign one – distance build up.

I refer to the distance between the two of you; by this I mean, for instance, not sharing those nice little things, or even the not so nice little things, which happened in your day.

Things like the parade of ducks crossing the road as you walked home, or the woman who threw fast food wrappers out of her car window in the path of a child on a bike.

These are the little things that you can share, without them reminding either of you of the affair and you can laugh together or be angry together, so you start sharing things that are safe.

If you keep such things to yourself, it can build up resentment and a belief that you can no longer share anything at all. This can leave room for thoughts like ‘is it actually worth working to save the marriage anyway?’ This can be a fatal mistake to make.

Early warning sign two. Angry outbursts for no real reason.

By this I mean the times when ordinary conversations about the neighbours, friends or anything at all, suddenly turn into full scale rows for no apparent reason. This is probably just because of underlying resentments, but it is very important that the two of you can have a civil conversation, especially the ones needed to move things forward. Otherwise you will find that you are pushing the marriage towards failure.

Of course you will become angry with your spouse sometimes and vice versa. That is not the problem; it is how you deal with it which is important.

Try talking at a time when neither of you are angry. Agree to take a time out next time the anger starts to boil over, before it gets to the point of no return. Things said when you are angry can lead to more hurt feelings and a deeper relationship rift.

Early warning sign three. Do not be judge, jury and executioner of your marriage!

Stop being so judgmental of your spouse! Admit that everything you do is not perfect and everything your spouse does is not wrong.

It will not work to think your spouse is just ‘wrong’ and you do everything right.

Set the affair aside for a moment and look at your role in the relationship. Could you have done things differently before the affair perhaps? What changes can you make now, so that you two can and move forward into a stronger marriage?

Early warning sign four – selfishness. More than just about anything else, marriages need give and take.

You both have individual needs, but if fulfilling your needs could hurt your spouse, then you should reassess that need, for the good of your relationship.

These could be the little things that are part of daily living, which your spouse sees as inconsiderate. For example, not pulling your weight with the children or the household chores. Is your need for ‘me’ time worth causing upset for your spouse?

Look out for these warning signs and good luck mending your marriage.

There is great help and guidance available for those who wish to seek it out. Sometimes perhaps you should not try to solve everything alone!

By Jay Essvee

There is thoughtful help and guidance at http://togetherafteranaffair.com
You can also find out more at http://www.squidoo.com/surviving-his-affair

Filed Under: Affairs, Problems, Reconciliation, Relationships Tagged With: ,

The Difficulties Of Money Discussions

August 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Doug has been married for over fifteen years; he wishes that in the beginning of his marriage he had kept his credit separate from his wife’s. Today he is experiencing some difficulties as a result of his wife adding his name to her credit cards and then not paying them on time. Throughout his marriage money is a subject that is skirted and the root of much tension between he and his wife. Several years ago Mary discovered, after she married her second husband, that he owed $40,000 to credit card companies, for which she later became jointly responsible. She said “When we dated I remember him paying for things with his credit cards but I didn’t think anything more of that. We were so much in love that it didn’t occur to either of us to discuss money prior to our marriage and now money has become a source of most of our arguments”.

Both of these couples experienced more financial stress in their lives due to their lack of communication about money. Ideally beginning a life long habit of developing good communication in the beginning of your relationship is best however if your relationship is more mature it’s never too late to begin in-depth discussions regarding this subject. As in Mary’s case, having money discussions in the beginning of the relationship was particularly difficult because firstly money isn’t a subject we’re comfortable talking about plus it’s even more difficult for new relationships due to the hormonal and chemical changes we experience as we are intoxicated by a new and wonderful love.

When we don’t discuss money with our partners and ask the hard questions either at the beginning of the relationship as in Mary’s case or during the relationship as in Doug’s case then our financial decisions are made unconsciously. At some point how our partner relates to money will also affect our own relationship with money. For instance, if your partner knows no financial boundaries you may end up living your life constantly digging yourselves out from credit card debt. If your partner isn’t truthful about money, any kind of financial planning becomes much more difficult. In a recent survey conducted by Smart Money & Redbook magazines 40% of both men and women admitted lying about how much something they bought had cost.

Relationships are in constant motion as two people peel away the layers of one another.

This is why it’s important to continually look and check in with one another about how you’re doing financially. Over my years of helping people with money I can certainly testify that money does seem to be the most common root of relationship stress.

Ron and Jane are a couple who have realized the importance of good communication when it comes to financial matters. They use a computer software program called QuickBooks to more easily track their income, assets and liabilities. Using this system allows them quick and easy access to all their financial information.

Jane says “Like most other couples we bring our own addictions around spending into our marriage. When we have financial discussions we believe that being honest with each other is really important because that creates a check and balance system for us”.

Luckily both Ron & Jane have different spending addictions. For example Jane would spend her last dime on her daughters. Ron however will occasionally challenge her and ask “Is this expense really necessary?” This gives Jane an opportunity to look a little deeper at the decision she is about to make. Ron has a love of automobiles, so much so, that family and friends have often jokingly accused Ron of having “autoitis”. So when he decides to take another trip to the car lot to buy that latest and greatest car; Jane is able to challenge the necessity of such a decision.

Both Ron and Jane agree that consistent communication is extremely important and as such have begun taking annual retreats for the sole purpose of taking stock. Jane says “Generally we bring the following categories to the table such as kids; finances; spirituality and health. When we take these retreats we isolate ourselves with a whiteboard for the weekend. We prefer to select a location where there is no cell phone coverage or television and plenty of places for introspective hiking. Really important things have come out of these retreats that continue to keep our marriage alive.”

Written by Tracia Graham, Tracia is a private investigator and organizational consultant. She is the creator of Money Attitudes, a coaching, organizational and investigative solution to making money, saving money & keeping money for small business owners, solopreneurs and professionals. She can be reached at 971-279-4388 http://www.moneyattitudes.com
Permission to reprint with full attribution © 2010 Tracia Graham

Filed Under: Problems, Relationships Tagged With:

Christian Relationship Help: Is Perfectionism Hurting Your Relationships?

August 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Is perfectionism hurting your relationships? If you know you struggle with perfectionism with yourself, there is a good chance that this character trait is also hurting the people around you. Perfectionism manifests itself in relationships in the following five ways:

Discontentment with the relationship. Perfectionists aren’t contented people. They have high expectations for the relationship and are vocal about them. Regardless of how well things are going, they aren’t truly satisfied, because after all, it could be better. This discontentment feels personal to the other person, because it will feel like a personal failure, even though the source of the discontentment is really the perfectionist’s unreachable standards

Hypercriticism of other people. People who are perfectionists are hypercritical, because they expect things to be perfect. “Perfect” is relative and the mark tends to be moved, so no matter how much people do, it never really is quite enough. It is said that a critical person is even more critical of themselves, but that is little solace when someone is being critiqued and always falling short. It is exasperating and disheartening to never be good enough for someone whose opinion you value.

Shaming others’ mistakes. Shaming communicates the message that the person who made the mistake is a mistake. It makes the person feel bad about themselves rather than just bad about what they did. Criticism that attacks the person with labels, name-calling, negative assumptions, and over-reaching conclusions about one’s character feel shaming. Perfectionists shame because they believe that in order to be good enough, people need to be perfect.

A push for others to achieve. It isn’t surprising that high achievers are often perfectionists. They push themselves and others hard. Self-worth is linked to achievement and the self-worth of the perfectionist is also often linked to how well his/her spouse, children, family, and employees do.

Conditional love and acceptance. Unconditional love and acceptance convey the message that regardless of what someone does or doesn’t do that he/she will be loved and accepted. Conditional love means that love is given when and only when certain conditions are met. Perfectionists offer conditional love and acceptance, because they give these things when they are satisfied with the other person, and since they are rarely satisfied, everything feels conditional.

Perfectionism isn’t good for relationships. It prevents the other person from feeling approved, loved, and accepted. It lowers the self-worth of others and makes other people afraid to be themselves.

If your high standards are hurting any of your relationships, take note of how Jesus treated people. Even though He truly was perfect, He offered grace, acceptance, forgiveness, and unconditional love to those that weren’t. He conveyed the message that each person had great value even though the person’s actions fell short. When the people in your life aren’t perfect, treat them like Jesus would.

By Karla Downing  

If you need more practical tips and Biblical truths to help you change your relationships, get my FREE “15-Day Relationship Challenge” designed to give you back the power over your life.  http://www.free15daychallenge.com

Karla Downing is an author, speaker, licensed marriage and family therapist, and Bible study teacher. Karla’s passion is to help people find freedom in Christ in the midst of their difficult relationships and circumstances through Biblical truths and practical tools.

Filed Under: Problems, Reconnecting, Relationships Tagged With:

Seven Common Methods People Will Use To Spy On Their Spouse

August 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment

In almost every relationship you’ll have one partner that is suspicious of the other partner and will stoop to snooping. If you think your spouse is spying on you then you’ll need to take a look at these most common methods people use to spy on their partners.

1. Credit Card and Cell Phone Bills:

Spouses will snoop on each other by methodically going over the credit card bills, cell phone bills and carefully scrutinize ever phone call and every financial transaction looking for signs of cheating.

2. Telephone Tape Recording:

It’s very simple to buy a voice activate digital tape recorder from any electronics store. Some can record up to 24 hours. You can leave one behind in a car or room or attach to a telephone to record all the conversations.

It’s very simple these days to download key logging software to record every keystroke typed onto a computer keyboard. This information is compiled and emailed to the snooping spouse up to 10 times a day. Some key loggers can be installed remotely via email.

4. Online Infidelity Investigation:

This is where a suspicious spouse will take their partners email address and trace it back to secret personal ads on online dating services.This type of investigation can be expanded to include porn sites, escort service sites and even Internet gambling sites.

5. Computer Hard Drive Forensics:

Often a snooper will turn over the family hard drive to recover deleted emails, browser history and deleted pics. In some cases years worth of incriminating deleted data can be recovered from a computer hard drive.

6. Cell Phone Forensics:

This is where you take a cell phone and recover deleted texts messages, pics, call logs and other data from a cellular phone.On some model phones like the iPhone you can recover up to two years worth of location tracking information. Today this is considered to be the best resource for any investigator investigating infidelity.

7 Asset Search Investigation:

Many times an asset search investigation can discover hidden funds, secret bank accounts and even vehicles or real estate that a spouse is completely unaware of. This is a sure sign of infidelity or a pending divorce.

If you believe your spouse is spying on you, you might want to contact a private investigator that specialized in counter surveillance and hacked computer investigations. many times they can discover evidence of computer hacking, key logging or unlawful wiretapping.

Copyright (c) 2011 Opperman Investigations Inc

Ed Opperman is Pres Of Opperman Investigations Inc. If you suspect someone is reading your emails you need a hacked email account investigation. Visit http://www.emailrevealer.com to locate or identify the hacker.

Filed Under: Problems, Relationships Tagged With: ,

Silent Treatment In Relationships: How To Deal With It

August 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment

You have probably encountered the silent treatment in relationships, where your partner will ignore you, pretending that you’re not there.

For decades, this has been a common practice among people. The ultimate question in mind though is, “How do we deal with it?” Well, don’t fret; here are 5 steps that show you how to deal with the silent treatment in relationships.

Step 1: Confirm Your Suspicions.

First, you must deduce whether your partner is really giving you the silent treatment or not; because if your partner isn’t really ignoring you, this might cause greater problems than the problem you’re trying to solve.

Who knows, you and your partner might just have been too busy!

Step 2: Find The Cause.

Know what triggered the silent treatment; there has to be something that might have angered or frustrated your partner that he or she resorted to ignoring you.

Note that every single detail counts, as the smallest things can really turn everything upside down. This is an important part to deal with the silent treatment in relationships, so you’d better trace down everything you have done.

Step 3: Apologize Right Away.

Once you have taken note of what you’ve done, it’s time to apologize. This is the most crucial stage to handle the silent treatment in relationships, so you must know surely what triggered it, or you’ll just get into deeper trouble that you have been.

Remember that the very nature of this problem won’t let your partner come to you and talk; you have to act for yourself and talk to your partner, or else not one thing will happen, making this situation worse, to the point that it might even go beyond repair.

Step 4: Apologize Anyway.

If you weren’t able to exactly locate your error, try offering a general apology instead; tell your partner that you’re sorry for whatever wrong you have done and want to set things right.

Ask what you have done wrong to receive such a cold treatment. Remember that you have to be sincere but you must not act like a doormat doing so.

Step 5: Talk About It.

The next thing you should do is to discuss your explanation for what you have done to make your partner angry or frustrated.

You have to let your partner see your perspective, but be prepared; your partner might not see your side of the story. In fact, your partner might not even want to start the conversation and just ignore you. If this is the case, just let it go and let time heal.

You’ve got to decide what’s more important. Is it getting your partner to agree to your side of the story, or saving the relationship? Sometimes, setting your ego aside can help in fixing the issue.

Follow these steps and you’ll find yourself knowing how to deal with the silent treatment in relationships.

By Michael Lee

Want to know how to persuade people (even the most difficult ones) to do what you want? Get a FREE course that reveals some of the most groundbreaking persuasion and communication secrets at http://www.20daypersuasion.com/secrets.htm

Filed Under: Problems, Relationships Tagged With: