Dating is a world full of potential rejection and humiliation and even the most confident of us will often suffer major dents to our self-esteem. For those lacking confidence the fear of failure can be a barrier too high. However nothing in life is achieved without some effort and even if you use online dating services you will if you are to have meaningful relationship have to leave your house at some stage and actually meet that other person.
Of course confidence is not the only important factor in dating success and in fact a lot of people see over confidence as a big turn off, preferring someone with a bit more humility perhaps. However if you suffer from a real lack of confidence forming a successful relationship will be difficult. It is also all too easy to end up accepting the wrong relationship as you feel you do not deserve any better which is arguably a worse situation than if you had stayed single.
So what can you do to increase your chances of successfully dating if you lack confidence? I won’t pretend it is easy and you will have to make a real effort to change the way you approach your life in general.
Absorb yourself in something: A lot of experts agree that insecurity stems from focusing too much on yourself and in particular your perceived failings. Remember we all have many
failings both physically and personality wise, as well as lots of positive qualities. The basic trick in being confident is not to focus on your negative qualities as much. This is not easy but a good way to do this is to find something that you are passionate about, this can be anything, a sport or any hobby. One that gets you out and active is preferable as you will be able to lose yourself in the activity. The key here is by losing yourself in the activity you will have less time to think about yourself and your failings. It may of course also be a great way to meet like-minded people, but that should not be the primary reason for doing it. Having interests of course also gives you something to talk about, which in itself is a confidence booster.
Treat yourself: Now that you have a great new hobby why not treat yourself to a new haircut and a few new clothes. You don’t need to go in for any radical changes as you, are you and that is good! You will be amazed at how much better you will feel about yourself afterwards.
Take it slowly: So there is someone who you have met online or at your new club or at work and you would like to get to know them a bit better. Instead of worrying about asking them out for a ‘date’ why not approach things more casually, to reduce the stress. Ask them to join you for a quick drink after work or a lunchtime coffee, that way you don’t need to worry about a whole evening stretching in front of you, nor of rejection as who said anything about a ‘date’.
Over coffee you can learn a bit more about them and see if you would like to take things further. If things go well organising a proper date will come naturally after all who wouldn’t want to go on a date with you now?
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