Work on your relationship with your spouse or partner, ensure that you feel close and also work on your friendship. Share your feelings, problems and hopes and dreams with them first. If you feel emotionally  fulfilled at home you will feel less inclined to seek out others.

Make sure you have lots of  same-sex friends or opposite sex if you are in a gay or lesbian relationship. The sexual tension in your relationships with the opposite sex will complicate things and cloud the boundaries. You can get the same emotional bond from a same-sex friend but without the potential pitfalls. This doesn’t mean you can’t form meaningful relationships with the opposite sex, just understand your boundaries and keep them in mind.

Be vigilant at work or at any out of work activity that you do not share with your partner. Don’t let yourself get drawn into an emotional affair. Try to keep your personal and professional life separate. If  you are sharing your thoughts, feelings and problems with your friend or spending more time with them than your spouse, take that as a warning sign and act. Also do you feel that you can talk to this person as they understand you better than your partner, if so you really need to consider what is happening here.

If you feel you have to lie or hide anything about a friendship from your partner, take this as a warning sign and stop the relationship before it goes any further and becomes an emotional affair.

Remember there often isn’t really such a thing as being ‘just good friends’ it is just another way of saying “we are having an emotional affair”!

 

 

 

 

 More about Emotional Affairs

 

 

If you would like to have a confidential chat about what is happening in your life. Contact Relationship and Family Counsellor Catherine at happy2day@iprimus.com.au or stop by and visit at TaiLongevity Studio on Facebook.

For More Great Information on friends and Friendships

 

 

 

 

 

 

An acquaintance of mine was recently talking about how we live in an age where men rarely make friends with other men. The reason, he believes, is that guys, unless they’re jocks or alpha males, are too afraid of being humiliated or rejected.

Most guys understand this fear, I believe, because the very same emotions get in our way when we try to socialize with women. Maybe you got over that fear with women. If you did, it was through applying psychology, and you can very easily apply the same psychology when you’re looking for a guy friend. So let’s step back for a moment and think about human behavior in social groups.

First, reverse the question and ask yourself: “What do I look for in a friend?” No matter how you answer this question, whether you’re a jock or a nerd, an alpha or an omega, your answers will ALWAYS have one thing in common with everybody else’s.

You look for qualities that you find valuable. It all boils down to that. You certainly don’t want to hang out with someone who’s boring or socially empty. You want to hang out with people who are cool. So does everyone else.

But here’s where things start to go so wrong for so many of us. When you see someone you think is cooler than you are, you assign them a higher value than yourself, at least unconsciously. And the second, literally the second that you begin to interact with them, they unconsciously perceive your assignment of lower value to yourself. That, my friend, is what makes them inclined to reject or even humiliate you. You just gave them permission to do it.

How do you solve this problem? The first thing to do is to stop seeking the other person’s approval, because doing so automatically sets you up for failure. Tell yourself that you already have the other person’s approval, and that they have yours. Behave like this is true, and amazingly, the perceptions of most other people will come into line. Why? They see you as having equal value to them, because you just assigned yourself equal value. It’s the path of least resistance. Perception becomes reality, but this time you’re using it to your advantage.

The above tactic will work on the vast majority of guys and women you interact with. Still, there will be

those who want to throw cold water on the party, and you need to learn (and practice) how to defuse their efforts without getting upset or angry. There are many psychological tactics you can use to accomplish this, but I’ll keep it simple. Remember, there are always multiple ways of looking at the same situation. If someone is being sarcastic, for example, you can pretend to take it as a compliment. For other negative statements, you can behave as though the person meant something completely different. (Psychologists call this “reality projection.” If you can “hold” your projection longer than the others in the group can, they will begin to question their own views of reality. Yes, it sounds bizarre, but it works!)

The last thing I want to leave you with is that socializing, whether it’s with women or with other guys, is supposed to be fun. You should be trying to make them smile, and they should be trying to do the same for you. If they don’t, or if you don’t feel like you want to bother making them smile, then it just means that they’re not the right people for you to spend time with.

An acquaintance of mine was recently talking about how we live in an age where men rarely make friends with other men. The reason, he believes, is that guys, unless they’re jocks or alpha males, are too afraid of being humiliated or rejected.

Friendship can be one of the saving graces in the lives of many women today. Women who are in stressful jobs, unhappy marriages, toxic dating relationships or troubling parenting roles are looking to their friends for an anchor. Unfortunately some of the friendships that are meant to be a support are greatly missing the mark. Too many women are backstabbing one another, giving harmful advice or encouraging one another to take actions that are not helpful.

Below are a few rules of engagement for healthy, supportive friendships. When women have strong, healthy friendships, they can be life-saving. These rules will help create the strongest networks with the most positive influence.

1. Be honest. Too many women blindly back their friends’ behaviors even when the behaviors are off. Blindly backing one another is not helpful. If your friend was off in an argument with her child, partner or friend, don’t just agree with her that the other person was a jerk. Relationally tell her what you think. Also, don’t lie to your friend about how she looks, why you can’t go out with her or anything else. Lying breaks trust. Say the hard thing relationally and don’t cover it up.

2. Encourage her to find happiness within herself, not through someone else. Women are trying to prove their worth through the attractions of men. Don’t push your friends to “find a man” in order to feel happy. When you need a man to make you happy, you will meet the wrong kind of man — one who is likely to make you miserable. With your friends, be each other’s support rather than pushing each other to desperately find someone to complete them.

3. Do not talk poorly behind a friend’s back. If you have a problem with a friend, speak with them directly. If you are angry, hurt, concerned, annoyed or (fill in the blank), go directly to the source. Nothing can be solved if you’re talking to the wrong person. Take the high road and refuse to speak behind their back.

Friendships can be one of the most significant relationships in your life. They have the power to influence you that no other relationship can. Be sure that you surround yourself with people whose influence will be for your better, not worse. Hold yourself to that same expectation.

4. Be supportive not competitive. A true friend celebrates another friend’s success. Women continually try to downplay their successes with one another so other women don’t feel upset or jealous. Downplaying your success is crazy. Be proud of each other and encourage one another to go even further.

5. Hands off significant others. Although this should go without saying, I’m going to say it anyway. Stay away from your friend’s partner. I’m shocked at how many “best friends” have had affairs with their friend’s spouse. Really? Do not play with fire when it comes to your friend’s partner. Don’t flirt, don’t cry on their shoulder, don’t listen to the partner complain about your friend. And if you hear or see that your friend’s partner is seeing someone else-your loyalty is to your friend-tell her!

6. Be the friend you wish to have. Friendships are a balance of give and take so be sure that you are neither always giving nor always taking. Ask for help when you need it and offer help when you know they need it.

In general, creating healthy friendships requires healthy people. Pay attention to who you hang out with

and be sure that they are building you up, not tearing you down. Make sure you are doing the same for them. A friend is someone you can count on to lovingly give you the truth (even if it hurts), proudly cheer your successes on (even if she hasn’t been as successful) and gives you advice that’s in your best interest (even if she doesn’t follow it herself).

Be the friend you wish to be with and hold your friends to the same level of expectation.

Challenge #1: Take an honest look at yourself and your friendships and see what you notice. Look at the list above, choose one tip to incorporate that you think will help in your friendships and ask your friends to do the same.

Challenge #2: For the next three weeks, pay attention to how you follow the rules above. Are you honest-even when it’s difficult? Do you encourage your friend’s successes or try to hold her down? Do you talk behind your friend’s back when you’re angry or do you go directly to her and discuss your upset? Choose one tip from above that you need to work on and be diligent about doing so. Notice any shifts you see as a result.

Lisa Merlo-Booth is a relationship coach with over 15 years of experience in the field of therapy and coaching. She has worked with individuals, families and couples on a variety of life issues. http://www.relationalcoaching.com.

She earned her Masters Degree in Counseling Psychology from Pepperdine University in 1991 and has received her coaching training from Coach University. Lisa is the Director of Training for the Relational Life Institute owned by the renowned author, Terrence Real.

 

 More Friendship Tips

 

 

 

 

Do you constantly feel that your man is only spending time with you because you make him. Does it seem that he would rather spend time with anyone but you? If the answer is yes, then it is time that you did something positive to change the situation. Here are some ideas for you to think about:

Try to be happy with who you are. If you are constantly dissatisfied with who you are and what you have, then it is no wonder that he would rather go out with his friends or stay at work. Be happy and positive about yourself and you will be a more attractive and confident person to be around.

Make sure that you have your own life: It is not healthy for two people to spend all their time together to the exclusion of all others, no matter how much in love they may be. It is vital that you have some independent activities and interests. If he feels that you are just sitting around

miserably waiting for him to take you out, then that is not a very attractive thought to come home to. Having your own interests will give you something to talk about and bring to the relationship and will help keep things interesting and fresh. 

Encourage his other interests: Let him see that you are happy for him to have other interests. Show an interest in what he is doing and encourage him to talk about his hobby or sport. If he feels that he has your blessing for what he enjoys doing in his spare time, then he is more likely not to feel so pressurised into spending time with you.

Let the time together be about both of you. When you do go out or spend time with each other don’t just do things that you want to do. Take turns in chosing where to go or what movie you want to watch if you stay in. Let him talk about himself, don’t just make the conversation about you.

Dont spend your time together criticising him. If, when you do spend time with him you do nothing but criticise him, then he will avoid putting himself in that situation and will find even more excuses for not being with you, nobody wants to be criticised constantly. Make him feel good about himself and be positive about how you are both going to find a solution to your relationship problems.   

Finally let him know why you want to spend time with him. Remind him of how much you care for him and why you chose to spend your life with him in the first place. 

 

 

 

 

 

This is a difficult one and one that we all as parents ask ourselves as our children reach their teenage years and start to want to form relationships with others. There are no hard and fast rules as to what is the right age for Christian teenagers to start dating and often any attempt at imposing an age limit only leads to problems. The following are some options for you and I will let you pray and decide which is best for your Christian teens.

Christian Teens should not date.

Many teens are just not mature enough to handle dating. Until they are old enough to get married, they are not old enough to date. However, that does not mean that you should not discuss dating with your teen. Read what the Bible says about the relationship between a husband and a wife and discuss the way the relationship with your spouse developed. Explain why it is best for your teen to focus on building their relationship with God and concentrating on their schoolwork, rather than getting into the very messy dating scene where they could be hurt or fall to temptation.

Christian Teens can date in High School, but only group dates

Christian teens should experience dating, but only in groups with other Christian teens. If you surround your teen with peers with the same core beliefs, they will be able to supervise each other and serve as positive peer pressure to do the right thing and maintain purity until marriage. Instead of one on one dating, it’s best for teens to have peer groups that pray and play together. If a strong friendship develops between two teens in the group, then it can progress into dating when the teens are mature enough.

 Christian Teens can date in High School with supervision

Teens should be given a certain amount of trust. If you feel that your teen is strong in their Christian

faith and committed to being pure until marriage, then you can make the call to allow one on one outings with a boyfriend or girlfriend. These should always be social outings. If the teen couple is in a private setting like a house, they should be around adult supervision to prevent undesirable physical contact.

Purity or Promise Rings

Many youth groups talk about the importance of purity until marriage and teens take a pledge together to avoid the temptation of sexual activity. They then wear a purity or promise ring as a symbol of their vow to save intimacy for their future spouse. However, don’t think the ring is enough to keep that vow! Teens are full of raging hormones and sometimes the hormones win over the vow. This is why parental supervision is so important if you allow your teen to date.

It is up to you to decide which option is best for your teen. Some teens are responsible and mature and able to handle dating as a good Christian, while others are not. As a parent, you must make that decision for them to keep them safe and pure for marriage.

 More Christian Dating Advice